Water Bags

Freshman year when Marc's birthday came around Brandee decided she was going to come by the dorm and decorate his door for his birthday. Some how we found out about this and decided we had to stay up and mess with her somehow when she came by. We elected to fill up some water bags and when she was leaving we were gonna drop the water bags on the awning and scare her. When the water bags hit the awning it sounded like a car crashing. She called Chris and asked him to open the emergency exit so she could sneak in later, he did so. At around 2am I guess we heard her and saw the shadow while she was decorating the door. We then patiently waited and when we saw a small amount of light appear from the emergency exit door (since it was nite you could see the lite from the basement when the emergency exit door opened). When we saw the lite, we dropped two 3 gallon water bags on the awning. They instantly crashed into the awning and we saw the door slam shut. We all started laughing our asses off. We waited to see what she would do, we then saw the door slam open and saw Brandee running away towards her dorm. -Mike

O'Barcus

Marc and I got to move in before most of the rest of campus freshman year, because he had the Honors College Retreat, and I was lazy and wanted to take advantage of the elevator. (Nope, broken.) As it is with every dorm, the names of both roomates were taped to the door by the RA of that floor. Across the hall, Marc and I saw we had guys named Chris and O'Barcus. I thought he might have been Irish. I was wrong.
O'Barcus was quite possibly the most animated figure I have ever met. Had we not lived on the same floor in the same dorm, I'm pretty sure he never would've spoken to me. But, had he not, he wouldn't have been able to take what probably amount to over $100 worth of bottled water from our fridge, without asking. O'Barcus was about 5 foot 10, but he was really ripped and his personality, was, um, intimidating. He also had a live-in girlfriend. In an all-guys dorm. I would pass 'Toya in the mornings coming in and out of the shower, both of us in our towels. Thing is, no one really thought anything about it, she was as much a part of the hall as anyone else. It annoyed the hell out of his roomate though, but he apparently would just roll over on his bed (which had cartoon WWF sheets, not kidding) while O'Barcus and 'Toya, um, went about their business. An aside- One night Marc got locked out of the room and I wasn't there, so Chris told him he could sleep on O'Barcus' bed because he was out of town. Marc politely declined.
O'Barcus especcially intimidated the girls that we had come visit. He would always inevitably ask "Hey Chris. Is that yo girl?" and if I responded no, he moved in like a vulture to a carcass. This did not make 'Toya, or any of our female friends very happy. O'Barcus also took a special liking to Brandee, consistently saying he wanted to "cut" her. Still not sure about that one. It was really funny because any time Brandee came over and sat on the futon, O'Barcus would go sit uncomfortably close to her, and start trying to talk to her. Brandee would usually move, and he would move right beside her. They were like magnets. But alas, Brandee did not return the sentiment, and O'Barcus eventually moved on, or lost interest.
There are a wealth of O'Barcus stories, most of which shouldn't be mentioned even here, what with pornography, armed robbery, and the like, but he was quite the entertaining character. I didn't see much of O'Barcus after freshman year, but I did hear that he and Toya conceived a beautiful child together. One day I ran into him at the Turner Center. I told him I heard he had a kid, and asked if it was a boy or a girl. He told me it was a boy, and when I asked his name, he said "trisisinnn.'" I couldn't understand him, so I asked him again and he responded, and I am not kidding:
"Tristian, or something. Shit man, I don't know how to say it."

So here's to O'Barcus, a young Irish gent who can;t pronounce his own child's name. -Chris

Corn Dog 7

Freshman year, when there was still stores in the Oxford Mall, there was a lone restaurant that remained. It obviously survived the mall's recession on its delicious food and beverages, for those of you that don't know what glorious place this is, its Corn Dog 7. Now I could not tell you the last time I had a corn dog, but I enjoy them. So when Joe and I discovered this magical place in the mall we realized that we MUST venture into it. As we walked in we read the menu, they had a wide variety of items including corn dogs, funnel cakes, mozzarella sticks, and Icees. We thought to ourselves what a glorious place, this must be why so many attractive girls come to the small town of Oxford, MS. The second thing we noticed was the logo. It was a corn dog with a cowboy hat on. It was probably designed by the same guy that did Nike's Just Do It campaign. We ordered our food, I got a corn dog and a cherry icee and Joe got a funnel cake and drink. As we ate the food we realized that we would never have a greater more meaningful meal in our lifetime. We vowed to each other to return as much as possible. Before we got another chance to return to our newly found mecca, Corn Dog 7 like so many other places in the mall was forced to shut its doors. The same day Joe and I found out about this travesty he had to Dj for Rebel Radio (remember It ain't yo mamas music) and I called in a request. I requested that he play "The Scientist" by Coldplay in memory of Corn Dog 7. Shortly afterwards I heard my request and tribute made on the radio . Now whenever Joe and I walk by the empty site of where Corn Dog 7 use to be, we can still smell the funnel cakes and corn dogs. -Mike

Our Own Derby Day

For last years Derby Day we went to the Pike house, the reason every Sigma Chi party i've been to has sucked, so we just chilled and drank at the Pike house. Kellie and this girl that was staying with her Laura joined us at the Pike house. They ended up going to Sigma Chi for a while and then came back to the Pike house. At about 1am we decided that we needed to head home. Chris and I walked Kellie and Laura back to the Delta Gamma house. Then a light bulb went off in Chris' head, his idea to pee on the house next door cough cough the Phi Mu house cough cough. So we did and we walked back to Deaton. When we got back to Deaton we realized Marc was not coming back to the room for the nite, so we did what we do best, we messed with his stuff. We took his chair, which he loved but that was also broken, and throught it on top of his closet. The door was open and we were being loud. Chris then mentoined how he thought he could make a bottle of vodka into the garbage can. Usually I would tell him there was no chance in hell he would make it, but this time I told him I thought he could make it. So Chris threw the bottle and completely missed, the bottle shattered and then a football player screamed "What the Fuck". We shut the door and kept quiet the rest of the nite. Thenext morning Marc kept talking about his chair, it was not until we got a roll of pictures developed that we realized what he was talking about. -MIke

Ole Miss Ladies' Soccer

So it was freshman year, and the Ole Miss Women's soccer team was playing the the SEC Tournament. We, for some reason, I honestly have no idea why, decided we would go to the soccer game to cheer on our Lady Rebs. Joe and I decided it would be a good idea to warm up before the game, because it was November, and pretty cold, so we found a flask and commenced to drinking. Actually, I found a flask, Joe decided to sneak in beer, and used a clear plastic water bottle as his beverage holder of choice. We were freshmen, so I blame our ingenuity on that. We caught a ride to the soccer stadium, and before going in, Joe chugged three beers, and I finished my drink, promptly mixing another.
About that time of year, our musical tastes were for the classics, and our favorite song was Billy Joel's "We didn't start the fire." Joe and I had listened to it so much that we had memorized all of the words, and since nothing was happening during the game, we decided to start singing. Brandee and Kellie were quite embarassed, as was everyone else who was with us (except for Marshall, who was so intoxicated he passed out on the bleachers). However, we delighted and astounded a certain few people around us.
"How in the world do you guys know all the words to that song?" a voice said. We looked up, and there was our future ASB President Rebecca Bertrand, delighted and astounded. Or she just thought we were stupid, we may never know. So after we finished singing, and clearly had everyone's attention, we looked at the scoreboard. Ole Miss was down one to nothing. We started screaming for our Lady Rebs to run the 4-2-5 (Coach Chuck Driesbach's defensive scheme in football). Hell, we were losing, it could've worked. At that point, two ladies that were wearing Florida soccer apparel rudely stated that there were only 10 players allowed on the field at one time, and that it would be impossible to run the 4-2-5. After Joe just as rudely told them to do a crude expletive to themselves, they huffed and got up and left.
So I think we lost the game. On the way out, an older gentlemen stops me and says "Hey, aren't you Chris Wilson?" I stared at him quizzically and said "Quite Possibly, who are you?" (Intoxication, remember?) It turns out he was my dad's 8th grade math teacher and good friend, who's daughter played soccer for Ole Miss. Ooops, sorry about that one Dad.
After the game, we somehow ended up at Uptown Coffee, with nearly everyone who had gone to the game. A couple who was with us proceeded to break up in the parking lot, and after a very awkward announcement to the group by one member of said couple, Joe and I decided to get the hell out of there. To Chicken-on-a-stick we went, until both of us found out we didn't have any money. Oops again. We decided then, in 45 degree weather and tshirts, that it would be a good idea to walk back to Deaton. From the Square. Yea, dumb idea. So we were walking, probably more like stumbling, down University Ave., yelling at whoever drove by, generally making fools of ourselves, and we were stopped by a group of people in apartments on a balcony.
"Hey, you guys got any cigarettes?"
"No. You got any booze?"
"Nope, sorry"
"Okay, Hotty Toddy" and we kept walking.
As we're getting back to Deaton, Joe gets a phone call. (Oh yeah, phone. Ride. We're dumbasses.) Its Liz, who is wondering where we are. Joe, who apparently still has a little bit of a buzz, sees a sting from a jacket lying on the ground. The following is what Joe said to Liz on the phone.
"Yeah, we we're walking back to Deaton from the Square---Oh my God! A snake! Wow, cool Chris, let's pick it up! (Liz is freaking out the whole time) Hey little snake, what's up?--Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Oh my God it bit me! Son of a bitch! Owwwwww!" and then he hung up.
Liz was in freaking panic mode, she called me and Joe about a thousand times, and we never answered. I'm afraid that she still may think that Joe got bit by a snake and we had to take him to the hospital (If you read this, sorry Liz). I think after that we listened to "We didn't start the fire" and passed out. -Chris

What do Phillips Grocery and Burger King have in common?

Double Decker weekend of sophomore year we got up early and headed out to the Square. Freshman year we slept through Double Decker so we wanted to go this year. I decided it would be a great idea to start drinking before we went. We went to Double Decker and had a nice time we only stayed for about an hour or so. I continued to drink. When then went to the Grove and threw the baseball in the Grove. I continued to drink. After the Grove we were hungry. We decided to go to Phillips Grocery. We get to Phillips Grocery and I ordered my usual a hamburger and spicy fries. However, when relaying my order to the waitress I did not say spicy fries, I said spacy fries. After Phillips Grocery we went to TCBY, after TCBY I realized I was still hungry so I told Chris to drive me thru at burger king. At Burger King Chris told me to double the meat. I told him I wouldn't but that I would get two whoppers and I bet him I could eat both. Mind you I just ate a full meal at Phillips Grocery. The first whopper went down no problem, the second whopper was a little bit more of a battle, but in the end I prevailed. We ended up going to the Pike house where I continued to drink. I got back to my room at about 1 AM or so and fell asleep. At about 4AM I woke up and was sick, needless to say three hamburgers and lots of alcohol are not the best combo. I spent the next hour living in the bathroom, looking back it sucked to be sick, but I wouldn't have it any other way. -Mike

[edit] I found Mike's ole Livejournal post from that night. The transcript is completely unedited. -Chris

today i started drinking at about 4 oclock when nick myself jenn and michlae decided to venture into double decker, it was okay nothing greate but still interesting, we then headed to the grove to throw the baseball where i continued to drink, after that i went and had a hot beer cold shower, after that onto phillips grocery where i had the cheese sticks and a hamburger, now heres where things get interesting im still hungry so i get chris to take me to burger kind i give him the monay to get a whopper, hes like lets double the meat, i tell him no but to get me anohter whopper if he'll pay for it, mind u ive been drinkng since 4, so i get both whoppers and somehow, i dont know how, i managa e to eat both whoppers, im feeling like a badass, then we head to the pike house and i continue my marathon, i get back to deaton at lik 1 ish and i go ot bed, the time is 4, the reason i am up is bc i just figured something out ok follow me
alot of alcohol + 2 whoppers at burger king and a burger at phillips grocery = not a good idea
let me just say i dont feel so good right now, but im not going down without a fight, the throw up streak will continue i will make that promise at 413 am

100 Shot Nite

One weekend Michael and I grew bored of the same ole same Friday's and Saturday's. We saw on the Man Show, 100 shots of beer. After much discussion, Michael and I realized we could do this. So we bought beer and turned on the television. Michael and I slowly began. After about 30 shots of beer I was feeling quite nice, Nick called and said he wanted to come over. We went with Joe to the Pike house to pick Nick up. Michael and I figured we needed a break if we were gonna last. We got back and our friend from high school, John Milford was in town and he came over to join us in our escapades. We started to watch Old School, and by the time we got to about number 60 I was quite intoxicated. I commented on how the room was spinning. After this we looked at the clock and realized it was only about 9:15. We called Chris and he came and picked me up, I went back to my room and immediately feel asleep. I made it to about 60 something shots and didn't even make it to 9:30. I was quite disappointed in myself, and the last year and a half I have greatly improved on my drinking stamina. I think most people know this though. -Mike

Forrester's

My favorite bar use to be Forrester's. Whenever I went there it was a great time. On this particular Thursday, Zoso, a Led Zepplin cover band, was playing and everyone was going. We got to the bar at about 945 right before it got crowded. As soon as we got there we ran into our friend Phillip, he told us he was going to buy us some shots. As the nite went on more and more people got there. We saw almost everyone from our dorm there and I ran into several of my fraternity brothers at the time. It seemed that wherever I went I ran into some I knew. I went from room to room drinking with people. I finally found Phillip and he bought me two shots of Alabama Slammers. I then went and found some of my fraternity brothers. While talking to them this girl came up and talked to me, we were in the same Biology lab. I was quite drunk and hardly remember the conversation at all. The nite went on and drank more and more. The next day I woke up and was hungover, however I had to go to my first class English because I had a paper due. I turned it in and sat in on the class, it was easily the longest class EVER. I got Chris to sign my name on the roll in Biology and I was in bed for most of the rest of the day. The next Monday was my Biology lab. Lab came and lab went. After lab was done, Chris pointed out to me the girl that came up to me in the bar, I later learned her name was Lizzy Hinton ( A very attractive girl might I say, facebook her if you don't believe me). I felt like an asshole because I talked to her at the bar and when class came around I did not say a single thing to her. Not talking to her or remembering her, that is easily my biggest regret in college. -Mike

Florida Game

After tearing down the goal posts and celebrating all day in the Grove, we went to the fraternity houses that nite. All of us being drunk, we needed someone to be our designated driver. We ended up calling our friend Liz. She agreed to take us to Taco Bell, where the line for the drive thru was stretched all the way to the street. We waited in line for over 30 minutes. After we ordered our food, Joe unrolled his window and started screaming Hotty Toddy and several cars suprisingly responded. While we were still waiting in line, Nick had one of the most memorable quotes from Freshman year he said, "There are 5 drunk guys and one stupid bitch in the car." Remember Liz is the only girl in the car and our DD. Liz was extremely upset. She dropped us off none of us realizing the effects of Nick's comments. The next day came and it wasn't until she told us later what Nick said that we remembered it. -Mike

Florida Game

After tearing down the goal posts and celebrating all day in the Grove, we went to the fraternity houses that nite. All of us being drunk, we needed someone to be our designated driver. We ended up calling our friend Liz. She agreed to take us to Taco Bell, where the line for the drive thru was stretched all the way to the street. We waited in line for over 30 minutes. After we ordered our food, Joe unrolled his window and started screaming Hotty Toddy and several cars suprisingly responded. While we were still waiting in line, Nick had one of the most memorable quotes from Freshman year he said, "There are 5 drunk guys and one stupid bitch in the car." Remember Liz is the only girl in the car and our DD. Liz was extremely upset. She dropped us off none of us realizing the effects of Nick's comments. The next day came and it wasn't until she told us later what Nick said that we remembered it. -Mike

I am all that is man!

If you've ever seen the movie Super Troopers, you know what the above quote is from. Near the beginning, the cops are in a restaraunt, and they have a chugging contest. Not beer, but syrup. Maple Syrup. Needless to say, being college freshmen, Joe and I decided that it would be a good idea to recreate this scene and see what happened.

I still can't eat syrup.

On the word "Go", we both started chugging. Keep in mind, at the time, I was much more of a partaker of sugary substances at the time. Now if I did that, my body would probably go into shock. Anyways, we started off about even, as Joe was using the squeeze and pour technique, while I was using suction to get the syrup from the bottle. This created the illusion that Joe was ahead. Notsomuch. When I stopped to take a breath, the bottle was 3/4 empty, and my blood sugar was about 3 billion. I knew I had to be finish, and claim the title of the first syrup chugging champion of Deaton Hall, so I dutifully finished the bottle. Joe, being the little girl he is, couldn't finish the bottle, and left a few sips. I was at once crowned the syrup chugging champion, and about 2 minutes later I retired with a record of 1 and 0. Joe retired too. I felt really, really sick all day, but I never threw up, and to my knowledge, Joe didn't either. However, there is one consequence. To this day I can't eat, much less smell syrup. I even avoid the syrup section at Wal-Mart. I'll never be able to eat the stuff again, but, somehow, somewhere, it all feels worth it. Wait, no, not really. It really doesn't. -Chris

The Fire Extingusher

Freshman year we got back from another nite at the Pike house, Chris, Nick and Joe were all drunk. I was sober, I'm not sure why. We got back to Deaton and Nick immediately went to bed and passed out, he was utterly wasted. We headed to Chris and Marc's room. Marc was gone for the weekend and Joe and Chris were being drunk. Joe wandered downstairs and found in the basement a fire extingusher. He brought it up and I jokingly said they should shoot it at each other. Well Chris needed no more influence, as he immediatedly pulled the pin out and started to spray Joe. They ran up and down the hall firing the fire extingusher. They came back to the room and the next thing we heard was the sound of the fire alarm going off. The fire extingusher had forced the alarm to go off. Chris and Joe quickly fled the scene, and I went and got Nick and told him we had to go downstairs. The last thing in the world that Nick wanted to do was to leave his bed. Nick and I waited in the car until they let everyone back into the dorm. Once we got back we went to bed, Chris and Joe fled to Kincannon and spent the nite there. -Mike

The Fountain

After a long nite of drinking at the Pike house, we were walking back to our dorm rooms. As we walked through the quad, something caught my eye, the Phi Mu fountain. I started joking around saying that I was going to go swimming in the fountain. Apparently my peers really enjoyed this idea. They told me that they would buy me a pizza if I got in the fountain. Now if you know me at all, I love pizza for drunk munchies, hell I love pizza all the time. So I figured what some water for a free pizza, I'm saving myself like $8 for just jumping in this stupid fountain. I got in and we all had our laughs. We got back to Deaton and they kept their end of the bargain and bought me a pizza. It was delicious. My wet clothes I waded up and threw into my laundry basket. About three weeks later, I went home and got my mom to do my laundry( I managed to go all of Freshman and Sophomore year without doing a single piece of laundry). After my mom washed my clothes, she called me downstairs. Apparently the pants I had worn in the fountain had got moldy because I had just waded them up and put them in the laundry basket. Usually a ruined pair of khakis would not be that big of a deal, however this was a brand new pair of khakis I got right before I got to Oxford. When I explained to my mom that I got a free pizza out of the deal she was still unhappy. I learned a very important lesson that day, do not jump in the Phi Mu fountain and wad your pants up, for they will get moldy and you will have to throw them away. -Mike

The Code Knock

Knock-Knock. Knock. The legendary code knock. We created it freshman year, and we still do it today. All of us that went to high school together pretty much lived together in Deaton freshman year, and those that didn't came over all the time. This was at the very beginning of freshman year before any of us branched out. Ok, we still haven't branched out, but that's beside the point. There was this one guy, Johnathan, who all of us had known since middle school. We his roomate was a freaky dude. Like didn't shower until the 4th week of school and hung out in Weir Hall all the time freaky. So Johnathan would come over, which we didn't really have a problem with, at least until he started stealing our food. Nick made the fatal mistake one day of going "Hey Johnatha, want some chips?" That was it. Dude ate the whole bag. And he's like a skinny guy, not the type you would think would just eat your whole bag of chips. That incident opened a Pandora's Box.

Johnathan would come over every day, and he had just stopped asking. He would just take food, eat it, and eat it until it was gone, then leave. I'm not sure if he was just hungry (see the posts about John-Boy) or if he was just poor, or lazy, or what, but it was beginning to take a serious toll on our budgets. We finally decided he had to be rid of him, so we created the code knock. The code knock was very limited knowledge, and our doors would only be opened if the aforementioned knock was completed. If someone came to the door, and we didn't hear the code, we would know it was Johnathan. We would put the tv on mute, cut off all the lights, and be totally silent. Like that freakin' worked. I'm sure he heard everyone rushing to cut off the lights, saw the light under the door, etc. But, in theory, it was a good idea. I think, one way or another, he eventaully got the message, because he stopped coming around. Come to think of it, we haven't really seen him since then. At least we could eat our own food for awhile; that is, until O'Barcus came in the picture. (More on this to come). -Chris

Charles Sumner Day 2

After a great first nite at Charles Sumner, I could not wait until the second day. When I woke in the morning I was paying for the nite before. Everyone always says the best way to cure a hangover is by drinking more alcohol. So I began the day by starting early and often. I began to drink vodka and gatorade. The only time I took a break was while we ate lunch at Back Yard Burger. As the day continued I kept drinking, and it became Nick and Michael's goal to knock my drink over to force me to make a new one. After trying for about an hour, they were finally successful by throwing a rubber ball at my drink and spilling it all over the study. I went and made another drink and kept drinking, as the nite soon approached it became more and more obvious that I would not make it to the Pike house that nite. I ended up passing out at about 7 PM. At 9:30 PM, Nick, Chris, and Joe woke me to see if I wanted to go, I said no. I woke up at about 11:30 and I began to listen to music on my computer. Soon after that I got a call from Michael saying Chris had puked in front of Deaton and that I needed to take care of him. I was like OK. Michael brought Chris upstairs and left him for me to take care of him. Chris was lying on my carpet and said that he needed to puke, I told him to go to the bathroom. He needed help, being drunk still I only opened the door for him and then told him to puke already, I wanted to go listen to more music. Chris explained how he wanted to go lay back down, I told him to lay down on the bathroom floor, so if he had to puke he could go ahead and puke there. I then left and went back and listened to music. Soon after then Michael returned and took care of Chris as I continued to listen to my music. I think everyone learned that nite that when I'm drunk, I should not take care of anyone. It was a hell of a weekend. -Mike