Last Nite

So last nite we needed someone to give us a ride to the square. We called Sarah Bynum and she gracioulsy agreed to drive us. We all loaded into the car and she told us no alcholic beverages in her car. Chris and Kellie managed to sneak two bottles of bud light into her car. The car was full with me Chris Kellie and my sister, Emily, in the back seat. I was up against the window so Chris told me to dispose of the bottles out of the window. I casually unrolled my window and droped the first bottle with no problems. I then waited and dropped the second bottle. Next thing we know, a police car lights are flashing behind us. We were all like "Fuck". We pulled over and it wasnt one cop car, it wasnt even two cop cars but three cop cars. Two cops approached and shined flashlights in our eyes. They asked if they knew why we got pulled over. We said because we threw a beer bottle of the window, they said that and we were speeding. The officer then asked who threw the bottle out the window and I admitted to it. The lady told me she just picked up my trash. SHe asked for Sarah and my drivers license and we handed them over. The lady officer started acting crazy. She started banging on the front seat passenger window and Eric started to roll it down. The entire time she was knocking on the window going hello, hello. Chris explained to her we had all had something to drink and Sarah was our dd and she was taking us to our friends house. I then told teh lady Sarah had seen several cops tonite and we didnt want to get pulled over with a open beer bottle thats why I threw it out. The lady started acting crazy again saying and I quote "I see dead people". Now i have no idea why she said that but she did. Suddenly a fourth cop car comes up and she asks what they should do with us. They decided not to give us any tickets and then the crazy lady officer told me that next time i throw a beer bottle out of the window that i need to aim for a street sign. She said "its easy all you have to do is flip you wrist". She then showed me how to hit a street sign wiht a beer bottle. A male cop approacehd and said "next time your throw a beer bottle out the window make sure there arent any cops around". I responded by saying yes sir and then he handed me the beer bottle i threw out the window. They told us to get a dd tonite and dont litter and dont speed. We thanked them and drove off. -Mike

Marc's Pizza

Freshman year we were all hanging out in Marc and Chris' room. Marc ordered two pizzas. Now as most of you already know, Marc is lazy and would pay people to go get his pizza for him. This time he persuaded Andrew and John into going to get the pizza for a dollar each. They went downstairs and got the pizza and brought it back upstairs. The thing is they didnt bring it directly to Marc. They took a detour and ate one of the pizzas. They ate the entire thing except for a single pizza crust. Finally they showed up and we wondered where they had gone to. They just said they were waiting for the pizza guy to show up. Marc opened his first pizza and everything was fine and then he opened his second pizza and there was a single pizza crust in the box. He questioned Andrew and John, but they told him they didnt touch his pizza. Marc immediately got on the phone and called the pizza place and told them one of their delivery men had eaten one of his pizzas. Marc was so pissed. -Mike

Top Oxford Characters

People always say how Oxford is a quaint Southern town and it is but one of my favorite part of Oxford is the people or should I say the characters that inhabit this place. Its no wonder Faulkner was such a good writer.

8. John the Cajun at Pizza Hut - John just barely made the list but if you have ever been to Pizza Hut on University chances are you have dealt with him and his unaudible Cajun accent.

7. Larry the barber - We found Larry by an ad in the DM. It said to come and visit his gentleman's club so we did. Chris and Nick went to get their haircuts and while cutting Nick's hair, Larry stopped and started brushing his own hair with the very comb he was using of Nick's hair. Nick became a regular and on another occasion Larry asked Nick "if he had a big stick" Also Nick asked Larry to buy an ad in the Pike Calender which he did, I believe the ad read "Boys dont forget your sticks"

6. Nelson Mandela - I guess after he was freed he decided to come to Oxford to be free because he can be seen wandering Unviersity. If you wave at Mr. Mandela he will wave back. Mr. Mandela does not seem to believe in using automobiles.

5. Angry Willie at Pizza Hut - Another Pizza Hut entry on the list. Angry Willie works at the Jackson Pizza Hut and he often is the cashier. Angry Willie makes the list because he looks so so so mad everytime someone tries to pay their bill.

4. Coco Princess - Others might have different nicknames but I am referring to the "thing" at Taco Bell. After 3 full years at Ole Miss, we still have no idea if it is a he or a she.

3. Jesus - Jesus can be seen on campus walking in a Delta Gamma pledge jersey and playing with young children in the grove or Jesus can be seen at off campus parties. We saw Jesus the other day at our neighbors party - they introduced us and he said he was Jesus. Chris said "Hey Jesus" and Jesus responded "Hello my son". Later in the nite Chris was arguing about St. Christopher carrying baby Jesus across the river. Jesus said "Yes he did, when I was very young"

2. Chops - As a previous entry talks about Chops works at Back Yard Burger and does Elvis impressions. His persona and sideburns are why he is so high on the list.

1. The Leaner - One of mine and Chris' favorite people in the world. We first discovered the Leaner at Chicken on a Stick late at Night. He was simply leaning in the corner and people watchiing especially the girls. Well everytime we went to CHicken on a Stick he was there. One day Michael talked to him and found out his name was Joel. We havent been to Chicken on a Stick in awhile however we still see the Leaner around. Now he can most commonly be seen sitting on the Wal Mart bench, with his pants unbuttoned, watching all the people. One day Chris and I saw him get in his car and we decided to follow him to see where he lives. The Leaner was parked at the store end of Wal Mart so we raced in our car and followed him. He drove from the store side of the parking lot to the grocery side, where he parked again and went and sat on the benches on that side to resume his people watching. -Mike

Chops

One of our favorite restaurants in Oxford is Back Yard Burger, the food is always so good and everyone can agree on it. One day Chris heard on the radio that there was gonna be an Elvis impersonator at BYB, we decided to get a group and go. Now if you have been to BYB you know the guy who is always there, the larger fellow with the incredible side burns. His name is Willie, but I gave him the nickname Chops and its stuck ever since. Well Chops was the one doing the Elvis impersonation and I must say, It was one of the finest shows I have ever seen. Not only did he beautiful sing Elvis classic after Elvis classic, Chops was the ultimate showman. He didnt mind stopping after a song and posing for a picture (like the one above). Nor did he mind taking time to dance with his wife. Chops also added some comedy to his show by wearing a pair of misproportied sunglasses. Now the turn out wasnt that great that nite at BYB, but if word gets around about his performance, Chops could be the oldest and dare I say best American Idol yet. Thank ya, Thank ya very much -Mike

The Memphis Grizzlies Drinking Game

One nite while watching the Grizzlies on tv, I got the idea that we should play a drinking game while watching the basketball game. My idea was to take a shot of beer everytime the Grizzlies scored a point. Nick or Chris didnt want to partcipate so I played alone. I started at the beginning of the 2cd quarter and by the end of the third quarter I was done. I took about 65 shots of beer and was getting pretty drunk. My problem was that in the these two quarters the griz seemed to score at an incredible pace. There was one point where they hit a three pointer and then stole the ball and hit another three pointer - that was 6 shots of beer like that. The amazing thing is when I quit at the beginning of the 4th quarter the griz only scored like 15 points that quarter. After telling Cameron our idea, he said he wanted to try it. So one friday nite Cameron and I played the game again. I made it about half way through the thrid quarter and was forced to resign. Cameron, however, kept going and ended up doing a total of 98 shots of beer. I believe the Memphis Grizzlies drinking game has become one of his favorite drinking game - next time the Griz are playing I recommend trying it. (The picture above is of Cameron and I after the game was over - we were intoxicated) - Mike

Tunica Part 2: The Casino

After our driving adventure, we made it to the casinos where they thoroughly checked each of our id's. Each time they told us, "yal barely made it." Chris headed for the roulette table and Nick, KEllie and I followed. Chris won his first hand and they immeditalely ided us again. After awhile Chris lost his money and we decided to go meet up with our friend Crady. When we got there, Kellie decided she wanted to gamble. I went with her and she got me a free beer. Kellie started gambling and I started up a conversation with the lady next to her. I asked her how much money she had lost, she said about $300 dollars. I told her she should have invested her money into a mutual fund. She just kinda stared at me. After Kellie lost her money we found everyone else. Im not really sure where everyone else was, I was quite drunk. The next thing I remember was being with Crady and her friend, Jordan. They went to the black jack table where Crady won on her first hand. I told her to quit while she was ahead, but she didnt listen to me. After her and Jordna lost their money I think my drunkeness was getting to everyone. I then went with kellie again to gamble. I bet 3 dollars and lost all 3 dollars. While we were switching slot machines, I asked an old lady how much money she had lost on the nite, she responded "$1000, you have to take the good with the bad". I told her I felt really bad and wanted to give her a hug, so i did. After gambling a bit more we were leaving the casino I saw Tommy West, Univ of Memphis' head football coach. I went up to him and shook his hand, I told him I wanted to wish him luck in the first game of the season and to Go Rebels. After taht we left and came back to Oxford where we all passed out. -MIke

A night of firsts

Ok, its been awhile, but I'm back. Here's a freshman year story for ya.

None of us really drank in high school, and I had never drank until we got to Oxford. About the second time I ever got drunk was quite the experience. Joe, Marc, and I had decided to go out on a Monday night, and Marc said he would drive my car. We met up with our friend Crady, who we had literally met 3 days before, and went to this girl Robyn's house, way out in the county somewhere. Joe and I decided to start drinking with everyone else, and we had our first taste of Aristocrat vodka, 8 dollars for a plastic handle. Let me tell you a little something about Aristocrat vodka. The name is misleading. They should call it dirty peasant vodka. Anyway, Joe and I both had vodka and fruit juices, and when Robyn tried to stir Joe's drink, he responded "No way, stirring is for pussies." They all looked at him kinda funny, as did I, but he managed to choke down his drink, just so he wouldn't catch hell for it. About this point Joe lost his hat, and we still haven't seen it to this day.

We all piled into my car, with Marc driving, and me riding "super-bitch" in the Xterra. If you hang out with us, you knwo that super bitch is in the very very back, with assorted cases of water, sporting equipment, and jumper cables. Not the msot desirable seat in the world. Well, apparently I bitched the entire way about how it was my car and I shouldn't have to ride super-bitch, but I think they gave me a drink to shut me up. Remember, this is only my second time drinking really, so I was having fun. We got to the bar, and discovered, once again, for the first time, Penny Pitchers, affectionately referred too as Drinkin' with Lincoln. It may be the main reason why so many freshmen miss Tuesday classes, I know I did that Tuesday. We then promptly stumble into the bar, and somehow pitchers of beer appear. At this point, my memory was fading in an out, but this is pretty much what happened.

Joe and I got into several chugging contests with Robyn and Crady. We got our asses kicked. Bad. These girls were sophomores, and had a year of penny pitchers on us, thus beating us into the ground, and getting us very drunk at the same time. After about an hour (I guess) of this, we lost the girls, and Joe and I started stumbling, and I mean stumbling around the bar. Joe and I went to the bathroom, and on our way out, Joe ran into a bouncer. Like ran into him. He knocked Joe over. When he picked him up, he goes "Son, I think you've had enough to drink." Joe looks at him, actually, more up at him, he was a pretty big dude, and goes "Go fuck yourself." Joe claims he doesnt remember any of this, but I remember watching Joe being literally tossed out of the bar, and me finishing my beer before I followed him out. We didnt really know where to go from the parking lot, so we wandered over to the big grassy hill leading down from Jackson Ave. and proceeded to lay down. It was really freakin' comfortable. So we drunkenly stared at the stars for awhile, then called Mike and Nick to come get us. This is a rough transcription of the conversation:

Me: Dude, you need to come get us!
Mike: Where are you?
Me: The hill man, the big hill.
Mike: Ooook, what are you near?
Me: A parking lot, and some grass, and dude! look at the stars! I think that's the big dipper! hahahahaha! (other randome drunk sayings, etc.)
Mike: Ok, we'll find you, stay put.

Joe and I then passed out. Yes, in one of our prouder moments, we passed out on the hill next to Billiard's. We were your stereotypical freshmen to the extreme. MIke and Nick then appeared from somewhere, and took us back to the dorm. The next thing I know, I'm sitting at a booth in Chevron, eating my first chicken on a stick with Joe, Marc, and Crady. I to this day have no idea how I got there or how much time elapsed. Anyway, Marc, who is totally sober, proceeds to give Crady like a 45 minute quiz on her sex life, and Joe and I just sit there and laugh. Somehow we get home, Joe gets back to Kincannon, and Wednesday, I went to class. Hotty Toddy. -Chris

Tunica Part 1: The Ride

This is gonna be broken up into several parts since its a long story. We start off in the right direction and Nick and myself are drinking a couple of beers while we are heading to the casinos. Nick is the one who knows the directions. Chris gets off at the 265 exit, according to Nick the correct exit. We then are faced with one of the biggest decisions of the nite, right or left. We go left. Left was apparently wrong. We started driving down a two lane rode and everyone kept reassuring each other we were going in the right direction. The two lane rode we are one keeps going and going. We then see a sign of hope ahead. Fireworks, the casinos must be shooting fireworks for the 4th of July weekend. Once again we were wrong, there were a bunch of kids just shooting off fireworks. Next to the kids was a gas station. Nick and I are feeling quite good right now and Chris and Kellie almost convinced me to go in a get directions from the gas station. After a wise decision not to enter the gas station we kept driving. Finally after driving awhile we saw lights ahead, finally civilization. The civilization that is Batesville was ahead. We had headed back south towards Oxford. We called some people and got correct directions and stopped at a gas station to get gas and more beer. Chris convinced Nick and I to buy Steel Reserve, the worst beer EVER made, its horrendous. Back on the rode, we were bored. Our music selection was dwindling and I was feeling quite content so I offered to sing to everyone. After a couple of songs like "Do it do it do it or Dont" my singing finally got to everyone. Eventually we ended up in Tunica, Im not really sure how but we made it. -Mike

Sneaking Beer into a Frat House

Freshman year we were going to a Pike Party. Nick informed us that beer would be hard to come by and that we should bring our own. Well we were too late to hide it anywhere in the house and we had to come up with another way of sneaking our own beer in so no one else would take our beer. It was very cold outside and Chris had this heavy jacket. After much debate we decided to put all the beer in his jacket and let him walk into the pike house with all that beer hidden into the various pockets of his jackets. It had to be obvious that something was going on because Chris' jacket was shaped very funny while entering the house. Just like fraternity tradition they didnt care and we quickly found an empty room and enjoyed our beer. -Mike