Stories from College

Pike House, Year 4

2005-09-12T00:32:00.000-05:00

So we are officially old. Yep, real old. As evidenced by Friday night, when we went to the Pike house to see Cowboy Mouth. Their lead singer looks really gay by the way. Anyway, I drove after we went and ate at Old Venice, and there was a line of like 100 people outside. We found out that it was the girls line, so Mike and I skipped with Nick up to the front so we could pretend we were rushees. We had to sign the list- Mike scribbled, I wrote down "Hairy Old Man." Anyway, we got in the door and proceeded to watch Kellie and Brandee skip literally the entire line and just walk to the front of the line. I think all of the freshman girls were just amazed that they had the guts to do it, so they didnt say anything, and the girls got in pretty quick.

Most of the night was uneventful, but there are some really good quotes, and I will share them now.

Mike decided that it was taking entirely too long getting up the stairs, so he started screaming out "I am a very important person! VIP coming through, get out fo the way! I know important people and I have 600 friends on Facebook!"

My technique was more aimed at the freshman girls, as I tried to convince more than a few that they were handing out free Chi-O bids upstairs. I also told Kellie that a girl that passed us by on the stairs looked like a character from Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas, and the girl heard me and got pissed.

We ran into our friend Amy in the hall, and she was rather intoxicated, and attempting to get rid of her drink, so she gave it to Nick. This is Mike, from 15 feet away in line at the bathroom:
"Nick, don't drink it! It's got the AIDS!!!!" We all pretty much died after that.

The last thing noteworthy at the party is that we were trying to find a ride home (God Bless Ashely Guinn, the best dd EVER) and we were in a room off to the side of the real party. SOme girls wandered in and we started talking to them, and the fire alarm went off. The more intoxicated (or just dumber) one asked what it was, and I told her it was the free beer alarm. She was like "Really?" and I told her yes, that it goes off once a party at the Pike house and all the rooms hand out free beer. Her friend looked at me and rolled her eyes, and told her it was the fire alarm, then they just kinda left.

Outside the house we were waiting on Ashley to come get us, and there were a bunch of groups of randome freshmen passing us. Mike interacted with three different groups.

Group 1:
Girls: Hey, do you know what time the Rebel Ride comes by?
Mike: Yea, 9:15, 9:30, 9_15. 9:30, 9:45....
Girls: Ohhh, he means every 15 minutes, thats not bad (Mike had no idea what time the Rebel Ride came). We're going to the Library!
Mike: I love the Library! It's the most awesome place in the world! DJ Mario is playing, he's the greatest!
Girls: Is he making fun of us?
Mike: No no, I really love the Library.
Girls: Oh ok, sorry.
(Mike was obviously making fun of them.

Group 2:
Mike: Hey guys, they're not letting you into the Pike house unless you have your collar popped. Pop your collars!
Guys: Oh ok, we better pop em. Thanks man!

Group 3:
Guy: Do you have a lighter?
Mike: God does.
Guy: Are you God?
Mike: No, but you'd be surprised, I get that alot.

Ok, the end, goodnight. -Chris

Go To Hell LSU

2005-08-10T16:52:00.000-05:00

THe nite before the lsu game sophomore year me and nick began drinking at the ole miss basketball game, we then drank at the pike house and finally met up with everyone at northgate. After consuming enormous amounts of alcohol, i decided to get some drunk food. I ordered dominos and chris, kellie, doug, and i all went to get it. As we were driving there we yelled at every possible person we saw screaming "go to hell lsu". After we got the pizza we decided to see what the square looked like. We got on the square and the on the right side of the street was all lsu fans and on the left side was all ole miss fans,each cussing and screaming back and forth. Doug and I sitting in the backseat started to scream "go to hell lsu" again. This time some of the lsu people heard us and started banging on chris' car. We rolled up the window and just sat there because the traffic was so bad. These drunk cajuns just kept hitting our car. We finally made it out of the square and continued drinking. -Mike

Tequila Shot Nite

2005-08-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

Every college student share the same experiences, and believe one of those is those random tequila shot nites. On our occasion, Joe had gotten a handle of Jose Cuervo tequila. Joe and I were talking about how we wanted to go to the bars taht nite. We decided we would pregame by doing tequila shots that way we could be drunk by the time we got to the bars. So we went to Wal Mart and got a couple of limes and some salt. At about 7 oclock that nite our evening began. Naturally the first couple of shots were rough and were very spaced out. However as time passed we just kept taking shots, one after another after another. By about 830 or so we had each had about 10 or 11 shots of tequila. After the last shot of tequila Joe and I were hammered. I remember laying underneath my bed, joe was laying on my bed so there was no where else for me to lay, and then i remember waking up and looking at the clock. It was 12, I woke Joe up and we realized the tequila had knocked us out, we missed going to the bars. We then proceded to pass back out as we were still wasted. I havent had tequila since that nite but i think another might be in order -Mike

The 6 Week Jeans

2005-08-01T23:33:00.000-05:00

Sophomore year was a special football year for Ole Miss. They won 10 games and went to the Cotton Bowl. They also had a six game winning streak during the middle of the year, that gave hopes to an SEC championship. Most people think its because of Eli Manning that the Rebels played so well. This, however, is not the case. The reason the Rebels won 6 games was because of me and my jeans. The day before the Florida game I washed my jeans, the next day I went over to CHris' house to watch the game. He kept saying that Ole Miss was gonna win, I told him he was crazy. Well Ole Miss ended up winning, and then they won again the next week. Now back sophomore year I did not do my own laundry I simply waited until I got back home and got my mom to do it. Well I came home during one of the weekends and my mom asked if she needed to wash my jeans. This was during a Ole Miss football game. This got me to thinking, the last time these jeans were washed was the day before the Florida game, I cant wash these jeans now Ive gotta ride this out. So i did. I wore the jeans everyday for 6 weeks and Ole Miss kept winning. Then the LSU game and the jeans ran out of luck. The next day I put the jeans in the laundry. Now everyone knows the real reason Ole Miss was so good. -Mike

Last Nite

2005-07-30T22:46:00.000-05:00

So last nite we needed someone to give us a ride to the square. We called Sarah Bynum and she gracioulsy agreed to drive us. We all loaded into the car and she told us no alcholic beverages in her car. Chris and Kellie managed to sneak two bottles of bud light into her car. The car was full with me Chris Kellie and my sister, Emily, in the back seat. I was up against the window so Chris told me to dispose of the bottles out of the window. I casually unrolled my window and droped the first bottle with no problems. I then waited and dropped the second bottle. Next thing we know, a police car lights are flashing behind us. We were all like "Fuck". We pulled over and it wasnt one cop car, it wasnt even two cop cars but three cop cars. Two cops approached and shined flashlights in our eyes. They asked if they knew why we got pulled over. We said because we threw a beer bottle of the window, they said that and we were speeding. The officer then asked who threw the bottle out the window and I admitted to it. The lady told me she just picked up my trash. SHe asked for Sarah and my drivers license and we handed them over. The lady officer started acting crazy. She started banging on the front seat passenger window and Eric started to roll it down. The entire time she was knocking on the window going hello, hello. Chris explained to her we had all had something to drink and Sarah was our dd and she was taking us to our friends house. I then told teh lady Sarah had seen several cops tonite and we didnt want to get pulled over with a open beer bottle thats why I threw it out. The lady started acting crazy again saying and I quote "I see dead people". Now i have no idea why she said that but she did. Suddenly a fourth cop car comes up and she asks what they should do with us. They decided not to give us any tickets and then the crazy lady officer told me that next time i throw a beer bottle out of the window that i need to aim for a street sign. She said "its easy all you have to do is flip you wrist". She then showed me how to hit a street sign wiht a beer bottle. A male cop approacehd and said "next time your throw a beer bottle out the window make sure there arent any cops around". I responded by saying yes sir and then he handed me the beer bottle i threw out the window. They told us to get a dd tonite and dont litter and dont speed. We thanked them and drove off. -Mike

Marc's Pizza

2005-07-26T16:03:00.000-05:00

Freshman year we were all hanging out in Marc and Chris' room. Marc ordered two pizzas. Now as most of you already know, Marc is lazy and would pay people to go get his pizza for him. This time he persuaded Andrew and John into going to get the pizza for a dollar each. They went downstairs and got the pizza and brought it back upstairs. The thing is they didnt bring it directly to Marc. They took a detour and ate one of the pizzas. They ate the entire thing except for a single pizza crust. Finally they showed up and we wondered where they had gone to. They just said they were waiting for the pizza guy to show up. Marc opened his first pizza and everything was fine and then he opened his second pizza and there was a single pizza crust in the box. He questioned Andrew and John, but they told him they didnt touch his pizza. Marc immediately got on the phone and called the pizza place and told them one of their delivery men had eaten one of his pizzas. Marc was so pissed. -Mike

Top Oxford Characters

2005-07-20T16:54:00.000-05:00

People always say how Oxford is a quaint Southern town and it is but one of my favorite part of Oxford is the people or should I say the characters that inhabit this place. Its no wonder Faulkner was such a good writer.

8. John the Cajun at Pizza Hut - John just barely made the list but if you have ever been to Pizza Hut on University chances are you have dealt with him and his unaudible Cajun accent.

7. Larry the barber - We found Larry by an ad in the DM. It said to come and visit his gentleman's club so we did. Chris and Nick went to get their haircuts and while cutting Nick's hair, Larry stopped and started brushing his own hair with the very comb he was using of Nick's hair. Nick became a regular and on another occasion Larry asked Nick "if he had a big stick" Also Nick asked Larry to buy an ad in the Pike Calender which he did, I believe the ad read "Boys dont forget your sticks"

6. Nelson Mandela - I guess after he was freed he decided to come to Oxford to be free because he can be seen wandering Unviersity. If you wave at Mr. Mandela he will wave back. Mr. Mandela does not seem to believe in using automobiles.

5. Angry Willie at Pizza Hut - Another Pizza Hut entry on the list. Angry Willie works at the Jackson Pizza Hut and he often is the cashier. Angry Willie makes the list because he looks so so so mad everytime someone tries to pay their bill.

4. Coco Princess - Others might have different nicknames but I am referring to the "thing" at Taco Bell. After 3 full years at Ole Miss, we still have no idea if it is a he or a she.

3. Jesus - Jesus can be seen on campus walking in a Delta Gamma pledge jersey and playing with young children in the grove or Jesus can be seen at off campus parties. We saw Jesus the other day at our neighbors party - they introduced us and he said he was Jesus. Chris said "Hey Jesus" and Jesus responded "Hello my son". Later in the nite Chris was arguing about St. Christopher carrying baby Jesus across the river. Jesus said "Yes he did, when I was very young"

2. Chops - As a previous entry talks about Chops works at Back Yard Burger and does Elvis impressions. His persona and sideburns are why he is so high on the list.

1. The Leaner - One of mine and Chris' favorite people in the world. We first discovered the Leaner at Chicken on a Stick late at Night. He was simply leaning in the corner and people watchiing especially the girls. Well everytime we went to CHicken on a Stick he was there. One day Michael talked to him and found out his name was Joel. We havent been to Chicken on a Stick in awhile however we still see the Leaner around. Now he can most commonly be seen sitting on the Wal Mart bench, with his pants unbuttoned, watching all the people. One day Chris and I saw him get in his car and we decided to follow him to see where he lives. The Leaner was parked at the store end of Wal Mart so we raced in our car and followed him. He drove from the store side of the parking lot to the grocery side, where he parked again and went and sat on the benches on that side to resume his people watching. -Mike

Chops

2005-07-13T00:32:00.000-05:00

One of our favorite restaurants in Oxford is Back Yard Burger, the food is always so good and everyone can agree on it. One day Chris heard on the radio that there was gonna be an Elvis impersonator at BYB, we decided to get a group and go. Now if you have been to BYB you know the guy who is always there, the larger fellow with the incredible side burns. His name is Willie, but I gave him the nickname Chops and its stuck ever since. Well Chops was the one doing the Elvis impersonation and I must say, It was one of the finest shows I have ever seen. Not only did he beautiful sing Elvis classic after Elvis classic, Chops was the ultimate showman. He didnt mind stopping after a song and posing for a picture (like the one above). Nor did he mind taking time to dance with his wife. Chops also added some comedy to his show by wearing a pair of misproportied sunglasses. Now the turn out wasnt that great that nite at BYB, but if word gets around about his performance, Chops could be the oldest and dare I say best American Idol yet. Thank ya, Thank ya very much -Mike

The Memphis Grizzlies Drinking Game

2005-07-11T20:16:00.000-05:00

One nite while watching the Grizzlies on tv, I got the idea that we should play a drinking game while watching the basketball game. My idea was to take a shot of beer everytime the Grizzlies scored a point. Nick or Chris didnt want to partcipate so I played alone. I started at the beginning of the 2cd quarter and by the end of the third quarter I was done. I took about 65 shots of beer and was getting pretty drunk. My problem was that in the these two quarters the griz seemed to score at an incredible pace. There was one point where they hit a three pointer and then stole the ball and hit another three pointer - that was 6 shots of beer like that. The amazing thing is when I quit at the beginning of the 4th quarter the griz only scored like 15 points that quarter. After telling Cameron our idea, he said he wanted to try it. So one friday nite Cameron and I played the game again. I made it about half way through the thrid quarter and was forced to resign. Cameron, however, kept going and ended up doing a total of 98 shots of beer. I believe the Memphis Grizzlies drinking game has become one of his favorite drinking game - next time the Griz are playing I recommend trying it. (The picture above is of Cameron and I after the game was over - we were intoxicated) - Mike

Tunica Part 2: The Casino

2005-07-07T20:54:00.000-05:00

After our driving adventure, we made it to the casinos where they thoroughly checked each of our id's. Each time they told us, "yal barely made it." Chris headed for the roulette table and Nick, KEllie and I followed. Chris won his first hand and they immeditalely ided us again. After awhile Chris lost his money and we decided to go meet up with our friend Crady. When we got there, Kellie decided she wanted to gamble. I went with her and she got me a free beer. Kellie started gambling and I started up a conversation with the lady next to her. I asked her how much money she had lost, she said about $300 dollars. I told her she should have invested her money into a mutual fund. She just kinda stared at me. After Kellie lost her money we found everyone else. Im not really sure where everyone else was, I was quite drunk. The next thing I remember was being with Crady and her friend, Jordan. They went to the black jack table where Crady won on her first hand. I told her to quit while she was ahead, but she didnt listen to me. After her and Jordna lost their money I think my drunkeness was getting to everyone. I then went with kellie again to gamble. I bet 3 dollars and lost all 3 dollars. While we were switching slot machines, I asked an old lady how much money she had lost on the nite, she responded "$1000, you have to take the good with the bad". I told her I felt really bad and wanted to give her a hug, so i did. After gambling a bit more we were leaving the casino I saw Tommy West, Univ of Memphis' head football coach. I went up to him and shook his hand, I told him I wanted to wish him luck in the first game of the season and to Go Rebels. After taht we left and came back to Oxford where we all passed out. -MIke

A night of firsts

2005-07-07T19:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, its been awhile, but I'm back. Here's a freshman year story for ya.

None of us really drank in high school, and I had never drank until we got to Oxford. About the second time I ever got drunk was quite the experience. Joe, Marc, and I had decided to go out on a Monday night, and Marc said he would drive my car. We met up with our friend Crady, who we had literally met 3 days before, and went to this girl Robyn's house, way out in the county somewhere. Joe and I decided to start drinking with everyone else, and we had our first taste of Aristocrat vodka, 8 dollars for a plastic handle. Let me tell you a little something about Aristocrat vodka. The name is misleading. They should call it dirty peasant vodka. Anyway, Joe and I both had vodka and fruit juices, and when Robyn tried to stir Joe's drink, he responded "No way, stirring is for pussies." They all looked at him kinda funny, as did I, but he managed to choke down his drink, just so he wouldn't catch hell for it. About this point Joe lost his hat, and we still haven't seen it to this day.

We all piled into my car, with Marc driving, and me riding "super-bitch" in the Xterra. If you hang out with us, you knwo that super bitch is in the very very back, with assorted cases of water, sporting equipment, and jumper cables. Not the msot desirable seat in the world. Well, apparently I bitched the entire way about how it was my car and I shouldn't have to ride super-bitch, but I think they gave me a drink to shut me up. Remember, this is only my second time drinking really, so I was having fun. We got to the bar, and discovered, once again, for the first time, Penny Pitchers, affectionately referred too as Drinkin' with Lincoln. It may be the main reason why so many freshmen miss Tuesday classes, I know I did that Tuesday. We then promptly stumble into the bar, and somehow pitchers of beer appear. At this point, my memory was fading in an out, but this is pretty much what happened.

Joe and I got into several chugging contests with Robyn and Crady. We got our asses kicked. Bad. These girls were sophomores, and had a year of penny pitchers on us, thus beating us into the ground, and getting us very drunk at the same time. After about an hour (I guess) of this, we lost the girls, and Joe and I started stumbling, and I mean stumbling around the bar. Joe and I went to the bathroom, and on our way out, Joe ran into a bouncer. Like ran into him. He knocked Joe over. When he picked him up, he goes "Son, I think you've had enough to drink." Joe looks at him, actually, more up at him, he was a pretty big dude, and goes "Go fuck yourself." Joe claims he doesnt remember any of this, but I remember watching Joe being literally tossed out of the bar, and me finishing my beer before I followed him out. We didnt really know where to go from the parking lot, so we wandered over to the big grassy hill leading down from Jackson Ave. and proceeded to lay down. It was really freakin' comfortable. So we drunkenly stared at the stars for awhile, then called Mike and Nick to come get us. This is a rough transcription of the conversation:

Me: Dude, you need to come get us!
Mike: Where are you?
Me: The hill man, the big hill.
Mike: Ooook, what are you near?
Me: A parking lot, and some grass, and dude! look at the stars! I think that's the big dipper! hahahahaha! (other randome drunk sayings, etc.)
Mike: Ok, we'll find you, stay put.

Joe and I then passed out. Yes, in one of our prouder moments, we passed out on the hill next to Billiard's. We were your stereotypical freshmen to the extreme. MIke and Nick then appeared from somewhere, and took us back to the dorm. The next thing I know, I'm sitting at a booth in Chevron, eating my first chicken on a stick with Joe, Marc, and Crady. I to this day have no idea how I got there or how much time elapsed. Anyway, Marc, who is totally sober, proceeds to give Crady like a 45 minute quiz on her sex life, and Joe and I just sit there and laugh. Somehow we get home, Joe gets back to Kincannon, and Wednesday, I went to class. Hotty Toddy. -Chris

Tunica Part 1: The Ride

2005-07-05T21:22:00.000-05:00

This is gonna be broken up into several parts since its a long story. We start off in the right direction and Nick and myself are drinking a couple of beers while we are heading to the casinos. Nick is the one who knows the directions. Chris gets off at the 265 exit, according to Nick the correct exit. We then are faced with one of the biggest decisions of the nite, right or left. We go left. Left was apparently wrong. We started driving down a two lane rode and everyone kept reassuring each other we were going in the right direction. The two lane rode we are one keeps going and going. We then see a sign of hope ahead. Fireworks, the casinos must be shooting fireworks for the 4th of July weekend. Once again we were wrong, there were a bunch of kids just shooting off fireworks. Next to the kids was a gas station. Nick and I are feeling quite good right now and Chris and Kellie almost convinced me to go in a get directions from the gas station. After a wise decision not to enter the gas station we kept driving. Finally after driving awhile we saw lights ahead, finally civilization. The civilization that is Batesville was ahead. We had headed back south towards Oxford. We called some people and got correct directions and stopped at a gas station to get gas and more beer. Chris convinced Nick and I to buy Steel Reserve, the worst beer EVER made, its horrendous. Back on the rode, we were bored. Our music selection was dwindling and I was feeling quite content so I offered to sing to everyone. After a couple of songs like "Do it do it do it or Dont" my singing finally got to everyone. Eventually we ended up in Tunica, Im not really sure how but we made it. -Mike

Sneaking Beer into a Frat House

2005-07-02T15:36:00.000-05:00

Freshman year we were going to a Pike Party. Nick informed us that beer would be hard to come by and that we should bring our own. Well we were too late to hide it anywhere in the house and we had to come up with another way of sneaking our own beer in so no one else would take our beer. It was very cold outside and Chris had this heavy jacket. After much debate we decided to put all the beer in his jacket and let him walk into the pike house with all that beer hidden into the various pockets of his jackets. It had to be obvious that something was going on because Chris' jacket was shaped very funny while entering the house. Just like fraternity tradition they didnt care and we quickly found an empty room and enjoyed our beer. -Mike

The Curb

2005-06-29T21:27:00.000-05:00

Freshman year at Deaton Chris always seemed to park at the same spot. It was right next to Deaton and close to the emergency exit. Well during our sophomore year when we moved in we noticed that the spot now had yellow paint on it. The yellow paint was pointless it covered up maybe 4 feet and was very very pointless. It was just enought paint so you couldnt park there. After awhile Chris got frustrated and we took things into our own hands. Chris, Kellie, and myself headed to Wal Mart late one nite and bought gray spray paint. We then went over to the spot and sprayed the spray paint to cover up the yellow paint. It was not an exact match but it was good enough and Chris was able to park there again. So if you ever need to park in a spot that has yellow paint by it, just buy some gray spray paint. -Mike

Sneaky Tiki

2005-06-20T18:10:00.000-05:00

Friday nite, Kellie, Brandee, Marc, Nick and myself headed to the square to bar hop. After a couple of stops we ended up at the Sneaky Tiki. We got in and Nick started to talk to some Pikes. Marc and Brandee went to go get drinks and Kellie and I were talking. Kellie and I then saw an empty swing so we went and sat on it. We were people watching when Marc and Brandee came over. They asked us to make room so we did. Now this swing was not intended to hold 4 people. Shortly after Marc and Brandee sat down, the swing snapped and we all went and hit the ground. Marc and Brandee had broken the swing at the Sneaky Tiki. We all gathered ourselves and some other people started to point and laugh. When then left the area and didnt stay much longer -Mike

Near Death Experiences

2005-06-19T14:56:00.000-05:00

College brings a lot of new experiences, even the occasional near death experience. Chris, Nick, and myself all have had our own near death experience - sort of.

Nick: Nick has a food allergy to chicken. If he comes in comtact wiht it he can die. Freshman year Chris and I are walking back from Bio lab and we see Nick. We yell at him and he just waves to us and keeps walking. He was heading towards the student health center. We didnt think anything of it, we just thought he was taking care of some business. Later taht day I got a call from the nurse at the heatlh center and she said nick was there. We went there and found Nick who was fine. He told us once he got to the heatlh center that he told the receptionsits he couldnt breathe and she just told him to sit down. H e waited for about 2 minutes and then told her again he couldnt breathe, finally after telling her for quite sometime that he couldnt breathe she took him to see a doctor. Nick ahd three different doctors trying to figure out what happened to him.

Chris: Chris got a conccussion from playing basketball one day. Walking back to the Union Chris said he felt weird. I just kinda brushed it off not really thinkgin about it, that is until we saw our frined Craddy who Chris called Brandee. We found Marc and asked him what to do, since he's pre med and all, Marc didnttake us seriously. We then saw Laura Piazza and asked her waht to do, she said dont let him go to sleep and to take him to the hospital. Joe and I took him to the hospital and they found out Chris had a mild concussion.

Mike: After a nite of drinking me and CHirs were eating some candy. Chris then started to throw the food into my mouth, while trying to htrow a chocolate raisen in my mouth I began to choke. I tried to cough but i couldnt, Chris then asked me if I was choking, I shoke my head yes. Chris then performed the hympleic manuever on me and the raisen came flying out. We then continued to drink. - Mike

Back to Freshman Year

2005-06-14T15:58:00.000-05:00

Freshman year, Joe and I were playing xbox in my dorm room we he gets a call from Michael. Michael was a freshman at Murray State. Joe answers teh phone and Michael is absolutely wasted. Oh yea he was also lost. Joe is trying to tell him to go back to his dorm. Then Callum, our neighbor from Scotland, entered the room. We handed him the phone and he started talking to Michael. Now Michael had no idea who he was talking to and was quite confused. After talking to Callum, Joe got the phone back and asked Micahel where he lived. Michael said he didnt know but that his dorms name was on his student id. Joe told him to read his id and see where he lived. Michael responded by telling Joe that he cant read. We told Michael to give someone his id, so they could tell him where he lived. Michael said there were two guys near and that he was just gonna give his wallet to them. Joe told Michael to run away. Michael ran away and then approached a stop sign. Michael said he was gonna stop at the stop sign because he didnt need another ticket (Michael was walking). Finally Michael made it home, im still not sure how, but he did -Mike

Stephen Head

2005-06-07T16:25:00.000-05:00

With today being the major league baseball draft I have decided to write about my story with Stephen HEad. Freshman year, as yal know we lived on teh same hall with the baseball players. Baseball season had begun and everyone was talking about how good Stephen HEad was. I hadnt gone to any games but I had seen his stats and was impressed. One night after drinking, our door was open and I was talking in my room with Nick. Stephen comes down the hall to brush his teeth. I said "hey" to him and told him if they need any extra baseball players to let me know because I was good. He smiled and said "OK". I said "no seriously Im real good I have a dominating change up, it goes about 45 miles an hour, you couldnt even hit it." Nick was in the background shaking his head and Stephen just laughed and walked away. Now when he's making millions of dollars, I can tell my children I told Stephen Head he couldnt hit my change up, and you know what he still couldnt hit today -Mike

Benny Hinn

2005-05-31T20:07:00.000-05:00

After the bars close, and all the late nites are over what is a college student to do? Well we were put into that same situation earlier this year. While trying to find something to do at all hours of the morning we stumbled across the minister Benny Hinn. Benny claims to be able to help the less fortunate, and you too can help by simply sending in your money and he will use it for a greater good. We were interested so we decided to call him. We elected Marc to do it because Marc does great impressions (ask him to do LaShawn). After a good laugh we left it alone. That is until the next week when we were bored again. This time I called Benny Hinn (we saved his number in our phone). I talked to a young man named Carlos, and a lenghty conversation with Carlos he asked if we were going to donate any money, he then quickly got off the line with us. The next week same scenario, and once again we talked to Carlos (what were the odds). Week after week kept calling and week after week we kept talking to Carlos. Finally after we heard the words "This is Carlos can I help you?" We would all collectively scream his name. Now Carlos wasnt flattered by this and hung up, this became routine whenever we got Carlos on the line. We did find out some things about Carlos before he started hanging up on us, he is bilungial, he is a swinging bachelor, and we think his favorite movie is Desperado. Call Carlos yourself at 817-722-2000 or 800-433-1900 we found that he usually works in the early mornings on Saturdays. -MIke

Living in the Dorms

2005-05-27T23:42:00.000-05:00

Living in the dorms sucks and heres why:

1. the check in rule is so baffling to me, people must be checked in and must leave at a certain time however we are able to do everything else by ourselves, but it wasnt too bad because you find ways around these rules like the emergecny exits that is until a cop hangs out in the basement, but i guess thats why there are 2 emergency exits
2. Space is very limited and while it is nice to be on your own you essential live in a shoebox
3. Bathroom need i say more
4. In deaton's case, when you walked back into the dorms with food there would always be a football player asking for some of your food, that and yelling at passerbys, mostly females
5. I had more but cant think -Mike

Laura Piazza

2005-05-25T22:25:00.000-05:00

Marc and Chris were running Hardy Cases presidential campaign freshman year and the night the results were to be read, they made the mistake of leaving me and Nick alone in their room. We began talking about how pissed they would be if Laura was to win. Nick got a great idea that we should print the picture of her from her website and put it all in Marc's stuff. This way later in the week he would find the pictures and if she won he would be really really pissed. Well we then decided to put the pictures anywhere and everywhere. We put the pictures in their books, under the computers, and in their beds and under their mattresses. We then got real clever and went to the fridge. They happened to have kraft singles, we put a picture in between each kraft single. When then put her picture on every other item of food, we then opened the microwave and put some in there. By the time we were done the room was covered. They didnt get back til late but we were confident they hadnt seen them yet. They hadnt, and the next day they began finding them everywhere. They found those pictures until the day they moved out. -Mike

Flaming Dr. Pepper Nite

2005-05-13T22:38:00.000-05:00

Chris and I decided to start drinking one nite, before we could partake Stewart knocked on our door, and asked us for beer. He explained he was making flaming dr. peppers, you fill a cup up with a beer adn then you drop a shot of amarito and everlcear in but first you must light the shot on fire and amazingly it tastes just like dr, pepper. Anywho we did a couple and then continued to drink. Chris Rock was on tv and we decided to drink everytime Chris Rock cussed. Basically we got real drunk real fast. We ended up going out to the Library and had a great time. We did not have a ride however, so we wandered to Chevron. At Chevron I told Chris I would get us a ride. I approached a jeep full of tri delts and asked them for a ride, they said no. I continued to beg, they asked where we were going I said Saddle Creek. They were going to the Links, I told them that was perfect because Saddle Creek is right on the way. They kinda laughed and said no for a final time, I left them alone. Chris adn I then began to wander on the Square. There was an older gentleman and i apparently yelled, "Hey Old man give us a ride". Still no luck. After that we went to a large group of people waiting for a ride outside of Old Venice. I took a couple of pictures wiht some of them, and then the rest of the nite is a blur. I woke up the next morning hungover, but it was a great hangover -MIke

Ant Farm

2005-05-06T00:30:00.000-05:00

My father sends me new stuff each week in the mail, a couple of weeks ago he sent me an ant farm. He figured they would be the perfect pets for a college student low mainteance etc. Well Chris, Nick and I finally got the time to go get ants. We filled the farm with the sand and then attempted to build tunnels for the ants. However we were unsuccessful in building the tunnels. We then found a huge ant hill. Chris procedded to kick it over, and once he did thousands of ants came hauling ass out of the hill. We got two sticks and tried to get the ants to run on the sticks, we were gonna stick the sticks wiht ants into the farm. Alot of ants quickly ran onto our sticks and while we tried to put them in the ant farm, they were soon crawling on us. One actually bite Chris. We finally got the little bastards into the ant farm. We got about 40 ants into the farm. They didnt seem too happy though. Anyways we got back home and realized we needed to feed our pets. We thought to ourselves, what do ants eat and drink. After discussin this problem, we realized Crystal Light powder would be their drink, they could use their saliva and make crystal light real quick in their mouths, and a chez it would be their food. We put the food into the farm and for some reason they seemed ever more unhappy. We put them on the balcony and let them be, the next day we checked on them and realized we are not yet ready for pets because all our ants are dead. Im not exactly sure how they died but they are dead, maybe the birds living on our balcony can be our next pet. -Mike

Water Bags

2005-04-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

Freshman year when Marc's birthday came around Brandee decided she was going to come by the dorm and decorate his door for his birthday. Some how we found out about this and decided we had to stay up and mess with her somehow when she came by. We elected to fill up some water bags and when she was leaving we were gonna drop the water bags on the awning and scare her. When the water bags hit the awning it sounded like a car crashing. She called Chris and asked him to open the emergency exit so she could sneak in later, he did so. At around 2am I guess we heard her and saw the shadow while she was decorating the door. We then patiently waited and when we saw a small amount of light appear from the emergency exit door (since it was nite you could see the lite from the basement when the emergency exit door opened). When we saw the lite, we dropped two 3 gallon water bags on the awning. They instantly crashed into the awning and we saw the door slam shut. We all started laughing our asses off. We waited to see what she would do, we then saw the door slam open and saw Brandee running away towards her dorm. -Mike

O'Barcus

2005-04-25T19:53:00.000-05:00

Marc and I got to move in before most of the rest of campus freshman year, because he had the Honors College Retreat, and I was lazy and wanted to take advantage of the elevator. (Nope, broken.) As it is with every dorm, the names of both roomates were taped to the door by the RA of that floor. Across the hall, Marc and I saw we had guys named Chris and O'Barcus. I thought he might have been Irish. I was wrong.
O'Barcus was quite possibly the most animated figure I have ever met. Had we not lived on the same floor in the same dorm, I'm pretty sure he never would've spoken to me. But, had he not, he wouldn't have been able to take what probably amount to over $100 worth of bottled water from our fridge, without asking. O'Barcus was about 5 foot 10, but he was really ripped and his personality, was, um, intimidating. He also had a live-in girlfriend. In an all-guys dorm. I would pass 'Toya in the mornings coming in and out of the shower, both of us in our towels. Thing is, no one really thought anything about it, she was as much a part of the hall as anyone else. It annoyed the hell out of his roomate though, but he apparently would just roll over on his bed (which had cartoon WWF sheets, not kidding) while O'Barcus and 'Toya, um, went about their business. An aside- One night Marc got locked out of the room and I wasn't there, so Chris told him he could sleep on O'Barcus' bed because he was out of town. Marc politely declined.
O'Barcus especcially intimidated the girls that we had come visit. He would always inevitably ask "Hey Chris. Is that yo girl?" and if I responded no, he moved in like a vulture to a carcass. This did not make 'Toya, or any of our female friends very happy. O'Barcus also took a special liking to Brandee, consistently saying he wanted to "cut" her. Still not sure about that one. It was really funny because any time Brandee came over and sat on the futon, O'Barcus would go sit uncomfortably close to her, and start trying to talk to her. Brandee would usually move, and he would move right beside her. They were like magnets. But alas, Brandee did not return the sentiment, and O'Barcus eventually moved on, or lost interest.
There are a wealth of O'Barcus stories, most of which shouldn't be mentioned even here, what with pornography, armed robbery, and the like, but he was quite the entertaining character. I didn't see much of O'Barcus after freshman year, but I did hear that he and Toya conceived a beautiful child together. One day I ran into him at the Turner Center. I told him I heard he had a kid, and asked if it was a boy or a girl. He told me it was a boy, and when I asked his name, he said "trisisinnn.'" I couldn't understand him, so I asked him again and he responded, and I am not kidding:
"Tristian, or something. Shit man, I don't know how to say it."

So here's to O'Barcus, a young Irish gent who can;t pronounce his own child's name. -Chris

Corn Dog 7

2005-04-25T15:56:00.000-05:00

Freshman year, when there was still stores in the Oxford Mall, there was a lone restaurant that remained. It obviously survived the mall's recession on its delicious food and beverages, for those of you that don't know what glorious place this is, its Corn Dog 7. Now I could not tell you the last time I had a corn dog, but I enjoy them. So when Joe and I discovered this magical place in the mall we realized that we MUST venture into it. As we walked in we read the menu, they had a wide variety of items including corn dogs, funnel cakes, mozzarella sticks, and Icees. We thought to ourselves what a glorious place, this must be why so many attractive girls come to the small town of Oxford, MS. The second thing we noticed was the logo. It was a corn dog with a cowboy hat on. It was probably designed by the same guy that did Nike's Just Do It campaign. We ordered our food, I got a corn dog and a cherry icee and Joe got a funnel cake and drink. As we ate the food we realized that we would never have a greater more meaningful meal in our lifetime. We vowed to each other to return as much as possible. Before we got another chance to return to our newly found mecca, Corn Dog 7 like so many other places in the mall was forced to shut its doors. The same day Joe and I found out about this travesty he had to Dj for Rebel Radio (remember It ain't yo mamas music) and I called in a request. I requested that he play "The Scientist" by Coldplay in memory of Corn Dog 7. Shortly afterwards I heard my request and tribute made on the radio . Now whenever Joe and I walk by the empty site of where Corn Dog 7 use to be, we can still smell the funnel cakes and corn dogs. -Mike

Our Own Derby Day

2005-04-23T23:09:00.000-05:00

For last years Derby Day we went to the Pike house, the reason every Sigma Chi party i've been to has sucked, so we just chilled and drank at the Pike house. Kellie and this girl that was staying with her Laura joined us at the Pike house. They ended up going to Sigma Chi for a while and then came back to the Pike house. At about 1am we decided that we needed to head home. Chris and I walked Kellie and Laura back to the Delta Gamma house. Then a light bulb went off in Chris' head, his idea to pee on the house next door cough cough the Phi Mu house cough cough. So we did and we walked back to Deaton. When we got back to Deaton we realized Marc was not coming back to the room for the nite, so we did what we do best, we messed with his stuff. We took his chair, which he loved but that was also broken, and throught it on top of his closet. The door was open and we were being loud. Chris then mentoined how he thought he could make a bottle of vodka into the garbage can. Usually I would tell him there was no chance in hell he would make it, but this time I told him I thought he could make it. So Chris threw the bottle and completely missed, the bottle shattered and then a football player screamed "What the Fuck". We shut the door and kept quiet the rest of the nite. Thenext morning Marc kept talking about his chair, it was not until we got a roll of pictures developed that we realized what he was talking about. -MIke

Ole Miss Ladies' Soccer

2005-04-20T19:02:00.000-05:00

So it was freshman year, and the Ole Miss Women's soccer team was playing the the SEC Tournament. We, for some reason, I honestly have no idea why, decided we would go to the soccer game to cheer on our Lady Rebs. Joe and I decided it would be a good idea to warm up before the game, because it was November, and pretty cold, so we found a flask and commenced to drinking. Actually, I found a flask, Joe decided to sneak in beer, and used a clear plastic water bottle as his beverage holder of choice. We were freshmen, so I blame our ingenuity on that. We caught a ride to the soccer stadium, and before going in, Joe chugged three beers, and I finished my drink, promptly mixing another.
About that time of year, our musical tastes were for the classics, and our favorite song was Billy Joel's "We didn't start the fire." Joe and I had listened to it so much that we had memorized all of the words, and since nothing was happening during the game, we decided to start singing. Brandee and Kellie were quite embarassed, as was everyone else who was with us (except for Marshall, who was so intoxicated he passed out on the bleachers). However, we delighted and astounded a certain few people around us.
"How in the world do you guys know all the words to that song?" a voice said. We looked up, and there was our future ASB President Rebecca Bertrand, delighted and astounded. Or she just thought we were stupid, we may never know. So after we finished singing, and clearly had everyone's attention, we looked at the scoreboard. Ole Miss was down one to nothing. We started screaming for our Lady Rebs to run the 4-2-5 (Coach Chuck Driesbach's defensive scheme in football). Hell, we were losing, it could've worked. At that point, two ladies that were wearing Florida soccer apparel rudely stated that there were only 10 players allowed on the field at one time, and that it would be impossible to run the 4-2-5. After Joe just as rudely told them to do a crude expletive to themselves, they huffed and got up and left.
So I think we lost the game. On the way out, an older gentlemen stops me and says "Hey, aren't you Chris Wilson?" I stared at him quizzically and said "Quite Possibly, who are you?" (Intoxication, remember?) It turns out he was my dad's 8th grade math teacher and good friend, who's daughter played soccer for Ole Miss. Ooops, sorry about that one Dad.
After the game, we somehow ended up at Uptown Coffee, with nearly everyone who had gone to the game. A couple who was with us proceeded to break up in the parking lot, and after a very awkward announcement to the group by one member of said couple, Joe and I decided to get the hell out of there. To Chicken-on-a-stick we went, until both of us found out we didn't have any money. Oops again. We decided then, in 45 degree weather and tshirts, that it would be a good idea to walk back to Deaton. From the Square. Yea, dumb idea. So we were walking, probably more like stumbling, down University Ave., yelling at whoever drove by, generally making fools of ourselves, and we were stopped by a group of people in apartments on a balcony.
"Hey, you guys got any cigarettes?"
"No. You got any booze?"
"Nope, sorry"
"Okay, Hotty Toddy" and we kept walking.
As we're getting back to Deaton, Joe gets a phone call. (Oh yeah, phone. Ride. We're dumbasses.) Its Liz, who is wondering where we are. Joe, who apparently still has a little bit of a buzz, sees a sting from a jacket lying on the ground. The following is what Joe said to Liz on the phone.
"Yeah, we we're walking back to Deaton from the Square---Oh my God! A snake! Wow, cool Chris, let's pick it up! (Liz is freaking out the whole time) Hey little snake, what's up?--Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Oh my God it bit me! Son of a bitch! Owwwwww!" and then he hung up.
Liz was in freaking panic mode, she called me and Joe about a thousand times, and we never answered. I'm afraid that she still may think that Joe got bit by a snake and we had to take him to the hospital (If you read this, sorry Liz). I think after that we listened to "We didn't start the fire" and passed out. -Chris

What do Phillips Grocery and Burger King have in common?

2005-04-20T18:45:00.000-05:00

Double Decker weekend of sophomore year we got up early and headed out to the Square. Freshman year we slept through Double Decker so we wanted to go this year. I decided it would be a great idea to start drinking before we went. We went to Double Decker and had a nice time we only stayed for about an hour or so. I continued to drink. When then went to the Grove and threw the baseball in the Grove. I continued to drink. After the Grove we were hungry. We decided to go to Phillips Grocery. We get to Phillips Grocery and I ordered my usual a hamburger and spicy fries. However, when relaying my order to the waitress I did not say spicy fries, I said spacy fries. After Phillips Grocery we went to TCBY, after TCBY I realized I was still hungry so I told Chris to drive me thru at burger king. At Burger King Chris told me to double the meat. I told him I wouldn't but that I would get two whoppers and I bet him I could eat both. Mind you I just ate a full meal at Phillips Grocery. The first whopper went down no problem, the second whopper was a little bit more of a battle, but in the end I prevailed. We ended up going to the Pike house where I continued to drink. I got back to my room at about 1 AM or so and fell asleep. At about 4AM I woke up and was sick, needless to say three hamburgers and lots of alcohol are not the best combo. I spent the next hour living in the bathroom, looking back it sucked to be sick, but I wouldn't have it any other way. -Mike

[edit] I found Mike's ole Livejournal post from that night. The transcript is completely unedited. -Chris

today i started drinking at about 4 oclock when nick myself jenn and michlae decided to venture into double decker, it was okay nothing greate but still interesting, we then headed to the grove to throw the baseball where i continued to drink, after that i went and had a hot beer cold shower, after that onto phillips grocery where i had the cheese sticks and a hamburger, now heres where things get interesting im still hungry so i get chris to take me to burger kind i give him the monay to get a whopper, hes like lets double the meat, i tell him no but to get me anohter whopper if he'll pay for it, mind u ive been drinkng since 4, so i get both whoppers and somehow, i dont know how, i managa e to eat both whoppers, im feeling like a badass, then we head to the pike house and i continue my marathon, i get back to deaton at lik 1 ish and i go ot bed, the time is 4, the reason i am up is bc i just figured something out ok follow me
alot of alcohol + 2 whoppers at burger king and a burger at phillips grocery = not a good idea
let me just say i dont feel so good right now, but im not going down without a fight, the throw up streak will continue i will make that promise at 413 am

100 Shot Nite

2005-04-18T00:37:00.000-05:00

One weekend Michael and I grew bored of the same ole same Friday's and Saturday's. We saw on the Man Show, 100 shots of beer. After much discussion, Michael and I realized we could do this. So we bought beer and turned on the television. Michael and I slowly began. After about 30 shots of beer I was feeling quite nice, Nick called and said he wanted to come over. We went with Joe to the Pike house to pick Nick up. Michael and I figured we needed a break if we were gonna last. We got back and our friend from high school, John Milford was in town and he came over to join us in our escapades. We started to watch Old School, and by the time we got to about number 60 I was quite intoxicated. I commented on how the room was spinning. After this we looked at the clock and realized it was only about 9:15. We called Chris and he came and picked me up, I went back to my room and immediately feel asleep. I made it to about 60 something shots and didn't even make it to 9:30. I was quite disappointed in myself, and the last year and a half I have greatly improved on my drinking stamina. I think most people know this though. -Mike

Forrester's

2005-04-16T23:38:00.000-05:00

My favorite bar use to be Forrester's. Whenever I went there it was a great time. On this particular Thursday, Zoso, a Led Zepplin cover band, was playing and everyone was going. We got to the bar at about 945 right before it got crowded. As soon as we got there we ran into our friend Phillip, he told us he was going to buy us some shots. As the nite went on more and more people got there. We saw almost everyone from our dorm there and I ran into several of my fraternity brothers at the time. It seemed that wherever I went I ran into some I knew. I went from room to room drinking with people. I finally found Phillip and he bought me two shots of Alabama Slammers. I then went and found some of my fraternity brothers. While talking to them this girl came up and talked to me, we were in the same Biology lab. I was quite drunk and hardly remember the conversation at all. The nite went on and drank more and more. The next day I woke up and was hungover, however I had to go to my first class English because I had a paper due. I turned it in and sat in on the class, it was easily the longest class EVER. I got Chris to sign my name on the roll in Biology and I was in bed for most of the rest of the day. The next Monday was my Biology lab. Lab came and lab went. After lab was done, Chris pointed out to me the girl that came up to me in the bar, I later learned her name was Lizzy Hinton ( A very attractive girl might I say, facebook her if you don't believe me). I felt like an asshole because I talked to her at the bar and when class came around I did not say a single thing to her. Not talking to her or remembering her, that is easily my biggest regret in college. -Mike

Florida Game

2005-04-07T23:50:00.001-05:00

After tearing down the goal posts and celebrating all day in the Grove, we went to the fraternity houses that nite. All of us being drunk, we needed someone to be our designated driver. We ended up calling our friend Liz. She agreed to take us to Taco Bell, where the line for the drive thru was stretched all the way to the street. We waited in line for over 30 minutes. After we ordered our food, Joe unrolled his window and started screaming Hotty Toddy and several cars suprisingly responded. While we were still waiting in line, Nick had one of the most memorable quotes from Freshman year he said, "There are 5 drunk guys and one stupid bitch in the car." Remember Liz is the only girl in the car and our DD. Liz was extremely upset. She dropped us off none of us realizing the effects of Nick's comments. The next day came and it wasn't until she told us later what Nick said that we remembered it. -Mike

Florida Game

2005-04-07T23:50:00.000-05:00

I am all that is man!

2005-04-06T00:42:00.000-05:00

If you've ever seen the movie Super Troopers, you know what the above quote is from. Near the beginning, the cops are in a restaraunt, and they have a chugging contest. Not beer, but syrup. Maple Syrup. Needless to say, being college freshmen, Joe and I decided that it would be a good idea to recreate this scene and see what happened.

I still can't eat syrup.

On the word "Go", we both started chugging. Keep in mind, at the time, I was much more of a partaker of sugary substances at the time. Now if I did that, my body would probably go into shock. Anyways, we started off about even, as Joe was using the squeeze and pour technique, while I was using suction to get the syrup from the bottle. This created the illusion that Joe was ahead. Notsomuch. When I stopped to take a breath, the bottle was 3/4 empty, and my blood sugar was about 3 billion. I knew I had to be finish, and claim the title of the first syrup chugging champion of Deaton Hall, so I dutifully finished the bottle. Joe, being the little girl he is, couldn't finish the bottle, and left a few sips. I was at once crowned the syrup chugging champion, and about 2 minutes later I retired with a record of 1 and 0. Joe retired too. I felt really, really sick all day, but I never threw up, and to my knowledge, Joe didn't either. However, there is one consequence. To this day I can't eat, much less smell syrup. I even avoid the syrup section at Wal-Mart. I'll never be able to eat the stuff again, but, somehow, somewhere, it all feels worth it. Wait, no, not really. It really doesn't. -Chris

The Fire Extingusher

2005-04-05T20:43:00.000-05:00

Freshman year we got back from another nite at the Pike house, Chris, Nick and Joe were all drunk. I was sober, I'm not sure why. We got back to Deaton and Nick immediately went to bed and passed out, he was utterly wasted. We headed to Chris and Marc's room. Marc was gone for the weekend and Joe and Chris were being drunk. Joe wandered downstairs and found in the basement a fire extingusher. He brought it up and I jokingly said they should shoot it at each other. Well Chris needed no more influence, as he immediatedly pulled the pin out and started to spray Joe. They ran up and down the hall firing the fire extingusher. They came back to the room and the next thing we heard was the sound of the fire alarm going off. The fire extingusher had forced the alarm to go off. Chris and Joe quickly fled the scene, and I went and got Nick and told him we had to go downstairs. The last thing in the world that Nick wanted to do was to leave his bed. Nick and I waited in the car until they let everyone back into the dorm. Once we got back we went to bed, Chris and Joe fled to Kincannon and spent the nite there. -Mike

The Fountain

2005-04-01T19:38:00.000-05:00

After a long nite of drinking at the Pike house, we were walking back to our dorm rooms. As we walked through the quad, something caught my eye, the Phi Mu fountain. I started joking around saying that I was going to go swimming in the fountain. Apparently my peers really enjoyed this idea. They told me that they would buy me a pizza if I got in the fountain. Now if you know me at all, I love pizza for drunk munchies, hell I love pizza all the time. So I figured what some water for a free pizza, I'm saving myself like $8 for just jumping in this stupid fountain. I got in and we all had our laughs. We got back to Deaton and they kept their end of the bargain and bought me a pizza. It was delicious. My wet clothes I waded up and threw into my laundry basket. About three weeks later, I went home and got my mom to do my laundry( I managed to go all of Freshman and Sophomore year without doing a single piece of laundry). After my mom washed my clothes, she called me downstairs. Apparently the pants I had worn in the fountain had got moldy because I had just waded them up and put them in the laundry basket. Usually a ruined pair of khakis would not be that big of a deal, however this was a brand new pair of khakis I got right before I got to Oxford. When I explained to my mom that I got a free pizza out of the deal she was still unhappy. I learned a very important lesson that day, do not jump in the Phi Mu fountain and wad your pants up, for they will get moldy and you will have to throw them away. -Mike

The Code Knock

2005-04-01T01:25:00.000-05:00

Knock-Knock. Knock. The legendary code knock. We created it freshman year, and we still do it today. All of us that went to high school together pretty much lived together in Deaton freshman year, and those that didn't came over all the time. This was at the very beginning of freshman year before any of us branched out. Ok, we still haven't branched out, but that's beside the point. There was this one guy, Johnathan, who all of us had known since middle school. We his roomate was a freaky dude. Like didn't shower until the 4th week of school and hung out in Weir Hall all the time freaky. So Johnathan would come over, which we didn't really have a problem with, at least until he started stealing our food. Nick made the fatal mistake one day of going "Hey Johnatha, want some chips?" That was it. Dude ate the whole bag. And he's like a skinny guy, not the type you would think would just eat your whole bag of chips. That incident opened a Pandora's Box.

Johnathan would come over every day, and he had just stopped asking. He would just take food, eat it, and eat it until it was gone, then leave. I'm not sure if he was just hungry (see the posts about John-Boy) or if he was just poor, or lazy, or what, but it was beginning to take a serious toll on our budgets. We finally decided he had to be rid of him, so we created the code knock. The code knock was very limited knowledge, and our doors would only be opened if the aforementioned knock was completed. If someone came to the door, and we didn't hear the code, we would know it was Johnathan. We would put the tv on mute, cut off all the lights, and be totally silent. Like that freakin' worked. I'm sure he heard everyone rushing to cut off the lights, saw the light under the door, etc. But, in theory, it was a good idea. I think, one way or another, he eventaully got the message, because he stopped coming around. Come to think of it, we haven't really seen him since then. At least we could eat our own food for awhile; that is, until O'Barcus came in the picture. (More on this to come). -Chris

Charles Sumner Day 2

2005-04-01T00:22:00.000-05:00

After a great first nite at Charles Sumner, I could not wait until the second day. When I woke in the morning I was paying for the nite before. Everyone always says the best way to cure a hangover is by drinking more alcohol. So I began the day by starting early and often. I began to drink vodka and gatorade. The only time I took a break was while we ate lunch at Back Yard Burger. As the day continued I kept drinking, and it became Nick and Michael's goal to knock my drink over to force me to make a new one. After trying for about an hour, they were finally successful by throwing a rubber ball at my drink and spilling it all over the study. I went and made another drink and kept drinking, as the nite soon approached it became more and more obvious that I would not make it to the Pike house that nite. I ended up passing out at about 7 PM. At 9:30 PM, Nick, Chris, and Joe woke me to see if I wanted to go, I said no. I woke up at about 11:30 and I began to listen to music on my computer. Soon after that I got a call from Michael saying Chris had puked in front of Deaton and that I needed to take care of him. I was like OK. Michael brought Chris upstairs and left him for me to take care of him. Chris was lying on my carpet and said that he needed to puke, I told him to go to the bathroom. He needed help, being drunk still I only opened the door for him and then told him to puke already, I wanted to go listen to more music. Chris explained how he wanted to go lay back down, I told him to lay down on the bathroom floor, so if he had to puke he could go ahead and puke there. I then left and went back and listened to music. Soon after then Michael returned and took care of Chris as I continued to listen to my music. I think everyone learned that nite that when I'm drunk, I should not take care of anyone. It was a hell of a weekend. -Mike

Charles Sumner - Three 6 Mafia - Day 1

2005-03-31T00:06:00.000-05:00

Freshman year, Pike got the rap group Three 6 Mafia. This was a huge name band for a fraternity party. Michael came in town from Murray State, so we decided to start drinking pretty early in the nite. When we got to the Pike house the line was almost to the street, and I started to have second thoughts, the reason: I thought I needed to puke. I thought to myself, come on Mike we can get through this. So I got inside the house and found a beer and I felt so much better. As the nite went on the house got more and more crowded. We headed towards the stage when the band was about to play. We were packed in so tightly we could hardly move. A problem arose, I had to relieve myself. I went and asked the security guard, if I could go towards the fence to pee, he said no it was blocked off for a reason. So being drunk, I just relieved myself next to him, other people were doing it also. After I got done with that, I managed to find my group. We decided to get beer, and for some reason I volunteered to try and find some. I made my way slowly to the second floor. As I ascended the stairs, the largest man that I have ever seen in my life told me that I could not go any farther. I simply said "Thank you, have a good day." I did not want to take any chances with this man thats how large he was. I once again found the group and as soon as I did, Three 6 started on of the best musical performances I have seen in my young life. After a couple of songs, beer was a necessity, we convinced the girls to go get us more beer. They were able to get beer because they were girls so they could convince the large security guards to let them upstairs. Three 6 continued playing and we had a continous flow of beer, it was one of the greatest nights a college student could of had. -Mike

The Assassination Attempt

2005-03-30T00:28:00.000-05:00

Freshman year Nick and I were roommates, and Nick is allergic to chicken. So I was forced, for the most part, to keep chicken out of the room. One day Nick and Joe were playing X-box, and I was talking to Andrew. When I got done talking with Andrew, he said, "Oh by the way there's a chicken finger next to you Nick." We looked on the ground and there was a chicken finger right next to Nick. Of all people it was next to Nick. The thing is no one had brought any chicken in the room, so we have no idea how it got there. If it wasn't for Andrew keeping his eyes open, Nick could be dead today. -Mike

John West aka John Boy

2005-03-27T16:06:00.000-05:00

We have gone to school with John Boy since freshman year of high school. Anyone who knows John, knows he is quite the character. Nick and I had a history class with John our first semester. John came to class a total of three times. The final time was for the final exam. He asked me what we studied, I told him that it was all of American history up until the Civil War. He said, "Got it." He was suprisingly confident for someone who did not study. He ended up failing the exam and all his classes, so for the spring semester he was on academic probation. Spring semester he decided he was not gonna go to class. He had a room by himself and he would go to bed at 8AM and wake up at 8PM. When he got up for the day he came and visited us upstairs, and then he would go out. When he got back in for the nite he came and visited us again, at about 2AM. After talking to him for awhile, we were quite tired. However John did not want to leave. There was only one way to get rid of John. John was hungry and had run out of money so he would ask us for change. I would grab a handful of change and simply throw it out in the hall, John would go collect the change and Nick and I would shut the door. After getting the change, John would get dinner and go to the tv room and watch Cops at 3AM. When he was still hungry he figured out how to get a wire coat hanger and bend it into the perfect shape so he could steal food from the vending machines. John did not spend that much time in his room though because he had mold growing on his ceiling and housing would not clean it off. When John was in his room he would play this air raid siren and turn the volume all the way up, and then leave. You could hear the siren all the way upstairs. His neighbors hated it. -Mike

The Man, The Myth, The Legend: The Leaner

2005-03-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

Sophomore year I was introduced to a new university, a new way of life, and Chicken on a Stick. I remeber one night when under the influence of alcohol we ventured into Chicken on a Stick in search for "munchies." Low and behold, "the Leaner" was standing in the corner, where he always stands. Now anyone who knows Chicken on a Stick knows who "the Leaner" is. If you don't, here's a little background information. "The Leaner" is an old, old man who stands in the corner of such fine establishments as Chicken on a Stick and Wal-Mart and his sole purpose for this is so that he can stare at the hot girls walking in and out of these places. What a life. I was informed of "the Leaner" when I first arrived here at Ole Miss.
Being the kind gentleman I was, I thought to myself (in a drunk kinda manner) that it would be a good idea to meet him. So to get some back up, I called Mike who was in Memphis for something. I told Mike of my plan to go meet him and he came up with the bright idea to put the conversation on speakerphone. Needing little to no encouragement, I did so. I walked up to "the Leaner" and began a conversation with him.
Me: "Hey"
the Leaner: "Hey"
Me: "What's your name? I see you in here a lot"
the Leaner: "Yeah, my name's Joel"

SUCCESS!!!

Mike and I successfully found out the name of "the Leaner..." the man, the myth, the legend

- Michael

Top 5 Deaton Residents Continued

2005-03-25T15:05:00.000-05:00

3. O'Barcus- He lived across the hall from Chris and Marc. Barcus would constantly come in their room and take their water, even if they only had one left, and he would also eat their food. Barcus took a special liking to Brandee. She tried to avoid him but when she came over Barcus happened to walk into the room. One day Barcus knocked on my door and was only in a towel, he said he had locked himself out of the room and asked if I would get his spare key. I went downstairs and the foreign exchange student for the room key, he asked me my name and I told him it was Barcus. He gave me a funny face and asked me my SSN, I told him I didn't know it, the guy gave me the key anyway and Barcus got back into his room.

There's a tie between for Number 1. Its between Stewart and Andrew. Both of them were roomates and some of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, however they could not get along and Andrew had to move down the hall. Stewart always played us in playstation and would come over and drink with us, one night he came and took shots in Chris' room while wearing only a sport jacket and boxers. We hung out with Andrew more towards the end of the year, the most famous nite was him was our PBR nite. We got a case of PBR, and put in Casino. We watched that movie for 3 hours and drank beer. When we were finished with a can we threw it out the window, we ended up going to bed at 5 that morning. At about 5:05 UPD saw all the empty PBR cans outside of Chris and Marc's window and made them clean it up. There you go our favorite Deaton residents of all time. -Mike

Top 5 Deaton Residents

2005-03-24T20:49:00.000-05:00

5. Eric and Jake- Both were in the Army ROTC and both were really nice guys. Once we discovered that throwing bags out of the window was the coolest thing in the world they joined in and we would have a great time throwing countless bags of water out of the window.

4. John West aka John Boy- John would be higher on the list but we did not see him until later in the year. I can not fully explain John in a couple of sentences so he will have his own post soon.

The top 3 are coming soon -Mike

Fellow Deaton Residents

2005-03-24T16:23:00.000-05:00

Freshman while in Deaton we shared the 4th floor with some interesting people, there was the baseball team, the two football players, the Asians who were there for about a month, then Chris Kelly and his roommate, and several other people. Today I'm going to highlight the moments that I remember most about these people:

Alex the RA- Alex was the best RA ever, at the beginning of the year we were all paranoid about drinking and getting caught in the dorms, however as the year went on we realized Alex did not care what the hell we did. By the end of the year we were mixing drinks and talking to Alex at the same time, and when Nick threw the football and broke the glass on the fire extingusher, Alex did not make us do anything but clean it up. I think everyone has a special bond with their freshman year RA.

Taylor Fowler- Taylor was a baseball player, a submarine pitcher. Taylor enjoyed his alcohol. One night Taylor comes stumbling up the stairs and he headed to his door. I was going to brush my teeth and I asked him if he needed help opening his door, he said no. So I went and brushed my teeth and got ready to go to bed. When I left the bathroom, Taylor was still trying to unlock his door. I went over and unlocked his door for him.

Brae- Brae was also a baseball player, and Brae was very open about his body. Whenever he got out of the shower he just walked butt naked down the hall. I think I was one of the few people who never saw his "little Brae" however I saw his ass countless times.

Drew- Drew, another baseball player, liked to talk. He told us stories about him experimenting with all kinds of drugs and alcohol. One nite Drew got back from the bar and got into an argument with another guy, this guy punched Drew in the face and he had a black eye for the next several days.

The Asians- These two poor foreign exchange students lived next door to me and Nick. They always just stayed in their rooms except to go to class. The baseball players would come in late at nite and bang on their door and scream obsentities at them. One nite Taylor grabbed a dildo (don't ask) and started banging it against their door screaming, after he got done he threw the dildo down the hall almost taking off someones head in the process. The next week the Asians requested a room change and moved to Kincannon.

Chris Kelley and his roomate- When the Asians moved out that left an empty room, and Chris Kelley moved in. He stayed away from everyone and everyone stayed away from him for the most part, except for Stewart. Stewart would get drunk and go knock on his door and talk to him, he would ask him if he saw the WNBA All Star game and would often times tell him to come over to our room to hang out, that pissed Nick off.

Mark Holliman- Mark is the nicest guy in the world and probably the best pitcher in the SEC. I went to his room one night to help his girlfriend with some Algebra homework. While in his room, he opened his desk drawer, it was filled with empty dip can, he could not fit anymore if he wanted to. I have never before seen so many empty dip cans.

Phillip- Phillip was a Phi Delt who would go to the bar during happy hour and stay until they closed. One night we gave him a ride home from the bar and then helped him sneak his girlfriend back into the dorms. It took awhile but they finally made it back to the fourth floor. They were so drunk that they fell to the ground and started crawling on the ground to get to their door.

Callum- Callum was a golfer from Scotland. There was one week where he was drunk everytime I saw him, he drank for 7 days straight. Its a whole lot harder than one think.

Thats enought for now, later I'm going to post the top 5 fellow Deaton residents, til then -Mike

It's Like Taking Beer From a Trash Can

2005-03-23T00:24:00.000-05:00

Freshman year my favorite bar was Forrester's. Some of our friends who went to Arkansas, who go to Ole Miss now, were in town, Jill and Alexis. We wanted to show them a good time so we decided to go to Forrester's. Before we could go out we had to find a designated driver for the nite, Joe volunteered. We did not believe him that he would be the dd. After much debate we decided that we could trust Joe as our dd. We went to Forrester's and I bought a beer, and then another. While I was drinking one of my several beers that I purchased that I nite, I was engaged in a very intelligent conversion, then suddenly one of the bouncers grabbed my beer and threw it in the trash can. I guess they did this because I had a huge X on my hand. I was stunned. So I walked over to the trash can that the beer was thrown in, and there sat my beer, on top of all the garbage. The beer bottle was sitting perfectly on top of the trash with just the bottom of the bottle touching some other trash. I reached into the trash can and grabbed my beer and continued to drink, everyone was amazed that I did this. After being at the bar for awhile, we decided to head to Huddle House. At Huddle House, I ordered the chicken fingers. I must say it was the hardest thing I have ever done before in my life as the lady that waited on us did not understand my order and kept asking if I wanted a salad. Once I got my food, I realized that the food was worth all the trouble, and that drunk food is awesome.- Mike

The Hair Dye

2005-03-17T19:00:00.000-05:00

While living in the dorms, one thing is always unevitable, boredom sooner or later it will hit. Well we were all in one of those dry spells where there was no football and we had no tests to study for (everyone except Marc always just studied the nite before, thats the American way). When your bored there is one easy solution, Wal-Mart. We piled in Chris' car and headed off. We went up and down almost every aisle, when a light bulb went off in my head, lets dye our hair. Nobody really wanted to join me, but after some talking I convinced Joe we needed to do this. So we bought a thing of blonde hair dye, it was like $7, not the cheapest not the most expensive. We went back to Deaton and headed to the lounge to dye my hair. Chris volunteered to put it in for me. Chris proceded to put it in my hair, however he did not read the instructions and put the wrong part of the dye in first. After some debate, we headed back to Wal-Mart and bought more hair dye, this time we got the $2 box. This time Chris read the instructions and correctly put the dye into my hair, Joe then went and got his hair dyed. The results were obvious, both mine and Joe's hair looked red. The next day I decided I did not like my dyed hair, so I went to Wal-Mart and bought the strongest shampoo known to man, Prell. Let me tell you Prell will rip every piece of hair out of your head if you let it, its like shampooing with sandpaper. After a week of shampooing with Prell, my hair was still dyed, even Prell could not take out the $2 dye. Eventually I accepted my new hair color and finally got a short hair cut to get my hair back to normal. -Mike

Theta Formal

2005-03-16T15:37:00.000-05:00

Its freshman year again, but gradually winding down to the end. Its early April, and I was set up with a blind date to go on Theta formal. However, at the time I had really started to have a crush on my girlfriend now, Kellie, who is not a Theta. However, since I had already agreed to go, I got on the bus and headed up to Memphis and Mud Island for the dance. The dance was cool; my date was 21 and decided to give me her wristband, so I got to be real good friends with the bartender, and all of us proceeded to get hammered. I lost my date for the evening at the very beginning of the night, so it was basically me and 3 other couples (including Joe and Tesi, my friend that goes to Rhodes). Well, everyone but me managed to get drunk pretty early, but I didn't catch a good buzz until the very end of the night. Actually, I hasn't drunk at all until we got back on the bus to go home. I started yelling at our bus driver to change the radio station, because the song that was playing sucked. After getting shushed, as my date was passed out, I proceeded to break and armrest in the back of the bus. I thought it was pretty cool and was very excited about what was inside (there were gears and a bunch of other cool stuff) however, Joe's date was not. She yelled at me until I lost interest, so I turned to Tesi and his date (current girlfriend Amanda) and talked to them.

Amanda had kinda fallen asleep, so Tesi leaned back to me and started talking. The conversation went like this:

Tesi: I think I like Amanda dude.
Chris: Well why don't you fuckin' ask her out? (Again, said very loudly and drunkenly)
Tesi: Ok. (a minute later, whispered) I did it dude.
Chris: (practically screamed) What'd she say?!
Tesi: Well, uh, she said yes.
Chris: Congrat-u-fucking-lations.

Then I passed out.

Next thing I know we're back in Oxford. I actually forgot to say goodbye to my date (Still feel bad about that, sorry) and rushed to the Phi Psi house, at the end of their spring party, to go get Kellie. Keep in mind, I'm in a full tuxedo, and everyone else is just jeans and tshirts, sloppy drunk. I manage to get Kellie away from drunk guys, and walk her back to Martin. It's like 12 degrees outside. Ok, 45, but it felt like 12. Anyway, I let Kellie wear my tuxedo coat back, so I'm like an icicle at this point. She goes up into Martin, and I become depressed about the long walk back to Deaton Hell. I see a car pull up, and someone goes "Hey Chris!" It's Jill Waycaster, one of the sweetest people I know, coming back from Sigma Nu Woodstock. "Hey Jill, how are you? How was the party?" She said it was fine, she had fun, etc etc. At this point I thought, OH my God, I can get a ride. "Sure is cold out here Jill." "Yeah Chris, it sure is. Well, see you in Senate!"

Shit. She didn't pick up on the hint, and I wasn't just going to ask her, so I called Joe.
"Joe, can I sleep in Kincannon? Deaton is so far away, please?"
Joe said no. His roommates bed didn't have sheets, and his room was barely inhabitable, however he did agree to talk to me on my way back to Deaton. So I climb the four flights, still wearing cumberbund, and see literally 7 people asleep in my room. Floor, futon, Marc's bed, you name it. I was literally stepping over bodies as I made it to my bed. I manage to get changed while only stepping on one person, but they were passed out so they didn't notice. I pulled back the comforter on my bed, so ready to pass out, and yep, you guessed it. Girl asleep in my bed.

It was Ashley Guinn, a good friend of mine, who was a senior in high school at the time. She was passed out too, but somewhat incoherently offered to move to the floor. I told her no, just stay asleep, it'll be fine. By this time it 4 o'clock in the morning. I decide one last try, I go and pound on Mike's door. You guessed it, passed out. I kept pounding. And pounding. I think I even kicked it. Finally, Mike comes to the door. "What the hell do you want?" Blessedly, Nick was out of town, or I never would've done it in the first place. "Can I sleep here, my room is full?"

"Yeah, whatever, just don't make any noise." So finally, I got to fall asleep as the sun was coming up, and it was the best sleep ever. I didn't wake up until 3 the next afternoon, and since I left my keys and cell phone in my room, nobody could find me or disturb me while I was asleep. Thank God for comfortable floors.... -Chris

Keith Houston

2005-03-16T01:27:00.000-05:00

While living in Deaton freshman year, we got to reside next to the freshman athletes. On our floor was the baseball team and on the second and third floor was the football team. For the most part everyone in Deaton was nice and when someone passed they would exchange kind words, I was no different. However, there was one football player whenever I passed and said "Hey" he always stared me down, and looked as if he wanted to hit me. The football player we later found out was Keith Houston. With the Spring semester coming to an end, I began to pack my car and had put pretty much all of my things into the trunck and back seat of my car. One day Chris and I went out for dinner, as usual we took his car. As we were entering the Deaton parking lot, I glanced over at my car and saw none other than Keith Houston sitting on my trunck. I asked Chris what I should do, I was scared this was the very guy that for no reason wanted to hit me. Chris told me to go get something out of my car, so I bravely walked over and asked him if I could get something out of my trunck. I opened my trunck and grabbed a dvd. I shut the trunck and he proceded to sit back down on my car. I had to think of something quick, so I told him I was gonna run to the store real quick, he said "oh". I got in my car and went and got gas, as I re-entered the Deaton parking lot, I saw a group of football players. In the middle was Keith Houston. He had moved and was sitting on the car next to mine, this time with about ten other football players around him, the very football players who always tried to steal my pizza whenever I would bring a pizza back into the dorm. I parked far far away and took the long route back into the dorm. After thinking about it for awhile, I realized Keith Houston did not want to hit me, thats just his facial expression, but still he probably is someone you do not want to run into in a dark alley. - Mike

First Frat Party

2005-03-14T01:41:00.000-05:00

The Friday nite before the first football game of the 2002 season Joe, Nick and I decided to go to our first fraternity party at Ole Miss. We decided to go to the Pike house. We got there and went upstairs and found beer, we hung out in some actives room for awhile talking to people and drinking. Soon after that we were forced out of the house. In the confusion, we asked someone and they said someone tried to sneak into the Pike house and an active saw him so the active proceded to punch him in the face. Apparently the guy was hurt because an ambulance got called and UPD cleared everybody out of the house. We were walking back to the dorms when we ran into some Phi Psi's. They asked where we were going and we told them what just happened. They invited us over to their house to drink with them. We decided why not its free beer. So we went over to the Phi Psi house and the first thing Joe did when he got there was puke on their stage. I'm sure they didn't like that, but we were rushees so we could do no wrong. We hung out awhile and then they started to show us a tour of their house. While giving us the tour Joe asked our "tour guide" if and I quote "do you get a lot of head?" Our tour guide looked Joe straight in the face with this look like I can not believe you asked that, he said "I'm the house virgin." Joe simply said oh. Shortly after that we left because things were just kind of akward. The next morning Nick and I got ready for the football game, we called Joe and he said he was puking blood. Chris and I told him to come to Deaton and we would take care of him. Joe came over and sat down in the middle of Chris and Marc's room and drank water and ate crackers. After doing this for about an hour, we headed to the Grove. - Mike

Fruit-Ball

2005-03-10T23:28:00.000-05:00

Back to freshman year.....
All of us being baseball players throughout high school (except Marc, he studied, and Joe, he's uncoordinated), we all brought our bats and gloves to college in case we ever needed them. We didn't. At least not for any conventional purposes. One day Marc went to the Union and found out that there were Mormons handing out religious tapes on the great powers of God, etc etc. He got one, we watched 5 minutes of it, and turned it off. We didn't know what to do with the tape then, and we certainly weren't going to return it, so several ideas surfaced.
"Let's throw it away."
"Let's give it to O'Barcus (they guy across the hall)"
"Let's hit it with the baseball bat and watch it explode" Bingo.

Outside of our floor there was a balcony with the trash chute (shoot) that overlooked some power lines and the back of our dorm. There was enough room for all of us to go out there, and I think there was even a bench for people to sit on. Well, we elected Joe to be the pitcher, and I was the hitter. There was no catcher for obvious reasons. Joe winds up and tosses the VHS tape underhanded, and the words of Joseph Smith exploded into thousands of tiny pieces. Naturally, we all thought this was pretty cool. So every day that week someone different out of the group would go to the Union, get two or three new tapes, and then hit them with the bat. Well, eventually the Mormons moved on, and the tapes went with them, so we had to upgrade. This is where Wal-Mart came in.

The one time in most of our lives that we went to the fruit and vegetable section of Wal-Mart was a fruitful (haha) one. We purchased grapefruits, kiwis, oranges, apples, and even a pineapple. Again, because he was the only one that would do it, we let Joe be the pitcher, and we all traded who got to hit. It was freakin' awesome. There were fruit parts all over the balcony for days. Joe was covered in fruit, but it was so funny that none of us cared. Well, maybe Joe did, but the rest of us certainly were entertained. Well, we started spending entirely too much money at Wal-mart on fruit just to hit with a baseball bat, plus the balcony was starting to stink. We made one last bulk purchase, but it was the week of the Ole Miss-Florida game. Well, it was starting to smell a little bit, so we decided that we would hit it after we lost the game. Well, needless to say, we didn't lose the game, which was a huge win for Ole Miss, and apparently the international students of Deaton Hall. We figured that's who took it, because we hid it underneath my car before the game, and when we went looking for it late that afternoon, it was totally gone. I still am not sure where that fruit went, and I honestly don't know who would steal moldy fruit from underneath someone's car. -Chris

Phi Mu - Beta Swap

2005-03-10T22:16:00.000-05:00

During rush, all of us had a very difficult decision to make, where we would spend the next couple of years of our lives and who we would call brothers( in Marc, Chris, and my sake it would only be a year). Out of all of us I had stuggled the most with my decision. After much deliberation, I decided to go Beta, they seemed to be up and coming and also they had a swap in a week with the Phi Mu's. As a freshman, I didn't know much, but I did know the Phi Mu's are pretty hot. The nite of the swap I got ready and headed to the Beta house. At the Beta house, we hoppd onto the Rebel Ride and headed to Bodegas. When I arrived at Bodegas I realized it was the first intra-racial swap at Ole Miss. I do not recall the other fraternity or sorority. I do remember what happened next. As several Betas headed to the bar, and others headed to the dance floor, I did what I do best I looked lost. One of the actives soon grabbed me and told me to follow him. I did so. He bought me a coke and told me to drink some of it. I did as ordered. He then told me to follow him to the restroom, once again I followed. In the restroom he pulled out a fifth of Jack Daniels. He mixed my coke with Jack and told me to have a good time. I soon found fellow Betas just chatting, and I joined in as I drank my jack and coke. After awhile, I was out booze. I wanted more, I needed more. So I found the active again and he poured more jack daniels into my drink. He, however, was not aware that I did not have any coke left, so I was drinking straight jack. Despite the taste I drank my drink, after awhile one of the Betas realized I was drinking straight jack. He took that away from me and handed me a beer. By this point I am feeling quite nice and began dancing. After I finished my beer, I went and got another beer. Soon after I bought this beer, a Phi Mu approached me and we began talking. She asked if I would buy her a drink( normally I'm not stupid and I'm not gonna buy a girl I've been talking to for less than two minutes a drink, but I was intoxicated). I said sure, she was wearing an over 21 wristband so I gave her my money ($20) she asked if I wanted anything, I asked for a shot. She bought a mixed drink and bought me an Alabama Slammer. I took the shot and began drinking my beer. She introduced me to a couple of other Phi Mu's and then disappeared. I continued to drink and feel real good. With the swap winding down, I headed to the dance floor and began dancing with a Phi Mu. Soon after the swap ended, and I got back on the bus. I do not remember the bus ride at all. The next thing I remember is being let out of the bus at the Phi Mu house. I see all the girls head into the Phi Mu house and I figured that would be a good place to head also. As I approach the front door, a Beta screams at me that I am not allowed in the Phi Mu house. I change directions and head back to Deaton ( I'm still not sure how I found it). As I was climbing the stairs in Deaton, I was thinking to myself, I know Nick is gonna be in Chris and Marc's room. As I reached the fourth floor I knocked on our door twice and then headed straight to Chris and Marc's room. Their door was open like it always was and the second I stepped into that room, I fell right on the ground. They questioned me about the swap and if I had a good time. After that I apparently tried to jump out of the window that we so commonly threw stuff out of. After convincing me not to jump. I headed to bed. I have never been able to drink whiskey since that nite. -Mike

The Secret Window

2005-03-10T19:58:00.000-05:00

"What do a desk chair, urine, giant bags of water, a fire extinguisher, shaving lotion, Wendy's take-out, and a microwave have in common?" one might ask.

The answer's simple...the same way the Sun got in, these things got out...THE WINDOW.

One of the most entertaining pasttimes of dorm life was using the window as a default trashchute (or trash "shoot" as the real one had been labelled). Any time you were too lazy to leave the room, or just tired of the trashcan overflowing because emptying it was absolutely out of the question, the window was always a worthy and justifiable alternative. I honestly cannot remember even a noticeable fraction of the items that left our dorm ship as jettison, but the ones mentioned above are certainly worth my time and yours to explain.

First, I'll start with Chris...despite his efforts to stay in the bed avoiding homework (and really, anything), when he did get up and get to his desk, one of his most enjoyable talents was to balance while leaning back on his five-legged, rolling, black leather, arm-rested desk chair. I distinctly remember it taking the bright both of us about two hours to build this damn thing from the terrible instructions, but it never occurred to me that one day this would all have been totally worth it. Well, I'm not sure if it was our terrible craftsmanship or just the amount of pressure that Chris was putting on the chair, but one day when he leaned back--SNAP--one of the legs just cracked and popped off. Duct tape was our first thought, so we tried it and it actually managed to hold. Eventually, though, this became useless, so Chris decided that he needed a new one. Instead of just leaving it in the hall, which we frequently did with other useless amenities, Chris decided to use the window. I didn't think it would fit...but by God anything fit through our window if we were determined enough to get it out...even Chris' penis.

Not that his penis was even relatively too large to fit out of the window, although he would definitely be a god had it been, it too shared in the excitement of having a window to the outside world. Let me remind those of you whom might have forgotten...our room was literally five steps across the hall from the restroom. But, this did not stop Chris from hovering over the window sill to urinate onto the solid earth below. Yea, it was pretty disgusting, but at least Physical Plant didn't have to use any Miracle Grow on the shrubbery.

Have you ever filled a zip-lock bag with water and tossed it out of a 4th story window? Well, if you think that's cool...try it with a freezer bag, then a 13-gallon trash bag, and then please just throw your entire 20-gallon trashcan full of water of the window. This one was so popular that our neighbors and some other welcomed participants joined in on the fun.

Another Nobel-worthy idea was to "borrow" the fire extinguisher that had been left in the basement. After spraying it in the hall, Joe got bored...to the window. It had to have looked like Hiroshima from the outside because that white/yellow powder just kept coming out. It settled all over the ground below and the wind carried a good bit of it back into our room. Even to this day I would bet anything that remnants of that BIG mistake are still stuck in the window sill and mortar. To be honest, I find it funny that despite the yellow, powderish residue that covered our hallway, we still never heard anything about it from the janitor or RHD...this was not the case for other incidents...

The Book Store was giving out free sample-sized bottles of Gillette shaving lotion, so the six of us combined probably had about 40 cans of the stuff lying around. We soon discovered that in its gel state, the stuff sprayed out in a fairly consistent stream, so we decided to write with it...on the building. We didn't have a ladder, and even if we had we still would have used the window, so with a bit of leaning it was really easy to spray penises and other obscenties on the brick below our window. What we didn't realize was that with a little bit of time, the stream of bluish-green gel becomes a broad, white layer of foam. Needlesstosay, our art was available for all to see. Now this one definitely earned us a notification, but as to whether or not that ever made it back to the Housing office, I couldn't tell you.

This next incident was entirely accidental, but definitely worth the laughs afterward. As usual, the trashcan was overflowing and probably had been for several days, so, when I finished my Wendy's (#7 Plain w/ Cheese on a regular bun with a sweet tea-no lemon) the window was, of course, my only available option. This time, it was mid-day and without looking I just tossed the bag (drink included) out the window. Try to imagine this...at the same time that my bag was floating down the side of the building at a slight angle toward the street, one of the girls who frequented the student-athletes was walking in front of the building (street side) from the opposite side. At the very moment that she emerged from the front of the building on my side, the Wendy's bag collided with her head. How did I know this...within three seconds of my tossing it out of the window, the loudest and angiest screaming that I have ever heard (in very very very poor English, mind you) emerged from her voice. Of course, I didn't go to the window other than to see her jumping around and screaming...but I did feel kind of bad when she mentioned, "I just had my her (hair) did."

This one would have been cooler had it hit the concrete instead of the dirt and bushes, but it was cool nonetheless. Our microwave would only heat one side of whatever was placed in it...so we threw it out of the window too... -Marc

The Custodial Engineer

2005-03-09T23:28:00.000-05:00

Reasons to Get Acquainted with YOUR Janitor:
I hope that the other writers will edit this post and add to my list...

1) You will probably learn an entirely different form of the English language.

2) You can always count on your janitor to remove the plethora of penises, big and small, from your door and/or dry-erase board before you wake to find them...and then casually discuss the penises with him like its the weather.

3) If you get caught smoking a joint on the balcony...instead of using your ass as currency in jail, you might just lose a hit or two.

4) If you're so fucking lazy that not only do you use the Handicap shower to wash your trashcan because you don't want to make the effort to use trash bags, but you also forget to turn the shower off for sometimes up to 20 hours at least 3 times a week...your janitor might be as cool as ours was and return your trashcan with bags to boot--every single time.

-Marc

5) If he gets fired from your building for doing only a mediocre job cleaning it, despite the fact he was the only janitor for all four floors, he will come and ask you to start a petition because he likes working in your dorm so he can hang out with the football players.

6) He uses the message system at the door to make phone calls to his wife and kids, and just leans against the door and talks to them on speaker phone all day instead of doing acutal work.

7) He will let you use the maintenance elevator to move your futon out of your fourth floor room, and when he does, and you go to the basement to explore, he has carved his name with a knife into all of the basement walls.

8) He once told us that he was going to steal the guys next door's trash, because they always left it right outside the door for him to clean up. So we just told him their names anyway, cause they were assholes, and played loud music late at night. And then, even with their names, he just continues to pick up their trash.

-Chris

All Drains Lead to the Ocean

2005-03-09T19:46:00.000-05:00

About two weeks before the Memphis Fair, we were talking about going to the fair and such. Chris got the idea, we should get some goldfish while at the fair. Sounded good to everyone else. Chris then had another idea, lets keep the fish in one of the toilets. Think about how funny it would be if you went to use the bathroom and there were goldfish swimming in the toilet. Anyways the Memphis Fair came and went and we did not get any goldfish, so it looked like our plan of keeping goldfish in the toilet was flushed( little joke there haha). One day while wandering in Wal Mart we discovered the pet section, and what do you know, Wal Mart carries goldfish. Any kind of goldfish you can imagine, well sort of. We checked the prices and realized we could get 5 or 6 goldfish for about 15 cents each. How could we turn that up, we couldn't and we didn't. Food was also cheap, only 88 cents. So for under $2 we had new pets. We got back to our dorm and then we realized, what are we actually going to do with these goldfish. My idea was to put them in a water bottle so we could carry them around and show them off to people. People walk with their dogs all the time in the Grove and get all kind of attention, imagine all the girls that would flock to us if we had goldfish in a water bottle. My friends did not see the same light that I apparently did. After much debate, the toilet was the most viable option. We could not keep them in the bag they were in, and with the water bottle idea out the window, it was the toilet or bust. Deaton Hall had automatic flushers so to correct this problem, so our little friends would not get flushed when we left, we put a piece of duct tape over the sensor. We then proceded to place our fish in the toilet. They actually seemed to like it. I sprinkled some food for them and we put a note on the toilet door, it read "Don't piss live fish." A couple of hours later we checked on them and they were still doing fine. That nite, Chris must have started feeling bad because he said that he thought we shouldn't keep fish in the toilet. He got up and marched to the bathroom and said he was going to take the tape off the automatic flushers. Nick and I followed and right after he riped the piece of tape off Nick put his hand to cover the sensor so our fish would not be killed. I was going to get another piece of tape when Chris pushed Nick causing Nick's hand to move from the sensor. Next thing we know, we hear the click. You know the click from automatic toilets when its gonna flush. And there right before our very eyes, our goldfish got sucked down the toilet. Nick, Joe, Marc, and I could not believe Chris had done it, but he had. Our pets were dead. Ever since then I have felt bad about the fish, that is until we saw Finding Nemo. The fish in that movie seemed pretty intelligent and the line "all drains lead to the ocean" was used quite a few times. So I figured that maybe our pets are still alive swimming in the Atlantic Ocean or heck maybe even Sardis Lake. - Mike

Student-Athletes

2005-03-08T16:28:00.000-05:00

Back to sophomore year. I'm by myself in my room, attempting to clean up. Marc is off somewhere, probly at a lab, and Mike and I had just gotten back from playing basketball. I had gone to McAllister's that day, and had a big iced tea that all of the ice had melted in. Well, the bathroom was all the way down the hall, so I got the bright idea to just throw it out my window. Keep in mind that our room sophomore year did not face the side of the building like it did freshman year. It was the window facing directly out front. Anyway, the iced tea and cup go hurtling through the window, and the next thing I hear is " Hey, that almost hit me!" followed by "Who the fuck threw that?" At that point I realized I may have just signed my death warrant. Here's why.

Deaton hall is filled with some of our finer and larger student athletes, those being the members of the Ole Miss football team. They liked to hang out in front of the dorm smoking Swisher Sweets and playing loud music. Obviously this somehow slipped my mind that day, so I went into panic mode. Here was my train of thought. "Ok, first shut and lock the door. Done. Now, I'm going to uhhh, uhhh, uhhh, turn off all of the lights and take my shirt off. " Not kidding. I was going to tell them I was sick and had been throwing up all day, and couldn't make it down the hall to the bathroom to empty the cup. Yeah I know, but it was the best I could do on the spot.

Next thing I know, there's loud pounding at my door. And I mean loud pounding. And screaming. Unintelligible yet extremely theatening screaming. So I call Mike and explain the story.

Chris: So now there's a bunch of football players outside beating down my door, what do I do?
Mike: I'll come down and buy a drink in the kitchen and see whats going on.
Silence. More silence. Aching aching silence.
Mike: Dude, you're in trouble!
Chris: How many are there, like 4 or 5?
Mike: Try 15.

So that's the point at which I seriously contemplated jumping out my window. I figured I was going to die anyway, might as well make it on my own terms. I'm in a panic, and its interrupted by the worst words I have ever heard in my life. "Ive got his key!" Oh shit does not do the feeling that overwhelmed me justice. Next thing I know, key is in the door, and sure enough, 15 of Ole Miss' finest, not looking to thrilled with the white kid on the third floor.

"Why the fuck did you throw that?"
"I'm really sick and I couldn't make it to the bathroom, I've been throwing up all day, etc etc etc" All said really, really fast. The next thing I heard I will never forget for the rest of my life. Some guy in the back goes "Man, that white boy's scared!"

I looked right at him, stood up to my fullest height, and said with all of the strength I could muster. "You're damn right I am."

Apparently this was enough to ease the tension, and after numerous apologies and assurances it would never happen again, they finally left, all laughing. I wasn't laughing. I wasn't even smiling. Shaking would be more accurate. I called Mike, told him what happened (he laughed too. Me, I'm still not laughing as I'm typing this and i was over a year ago), and decided that I would spend the rest of the day in his room. -Chris

Step Show

2005-03-08T14:25:00.000-05:00

Towards the end of freshman year, everyone was slowing finding their place, and becoming more comfortable with each other. If you know me, you know I'm comfortable with anyone when I have some liquid courage. That Friday nite we decided to attend the Step Show. I got the brillant idea earlier to use the gatorade in our fridge to mix with vodka, I did so and what do you know, you could hardly taste the alcohol. We get to the step show and I was feeling pretty good already. I was almost done with my beverage when it was taken from me because they felt I had enough. I, of course, disagreed. Meanwhile I noticed Gordon Fellows, current ASB president and fellow Biology student of mine that semester. I began talking to Gordon, just basic chit chat, I asked him how he was doing, he said fine, Gordon asked me the same question I responded with the same answer. There was that brief moment of silence and I guess I got scared because I repeated so how are you doing, he once again responded I'm fine. He kinda smiled at me and walked away. I did not realize I had asked him the same question twice until the next day. I do not know if he remembers this but I sure do. Anyways, after the step show was over we went back to Deaton, for me to continue drinking and for everyone else to get started. I made myself another drink and was quite intoxicated. I decided to rest so I put my head down on Chris' desk. On his desk I noticed a new unopend bottle of Jim Beam Black, I said "Chris I'm gonna open your Jim Beam." He responded "If you open it you better drink some of it." So I opened the bottle and started drinking the Jim Beam. I apparently drank quite a bit because everyone was in awe that I actually drank it straight, funny thing is I did not taste the whiskey at all. At about this point, about 9 pm, I decided I had enough for one nite. I headed to my room and fell on my bed and passed out. The next day I woke up at about 11. I went to use the restroom and there was a girl in the hall, I said hey how are you. She gave me one of the most awful looks any human has ever given me, I shrugged it off went to the bathroom and went back to sleep. Later in the day when I saw Chris he said "Oh I see you got the penis off your face." Apparently Chris had drawn a penis on my face hence the terrible reaction from the girl. - Mike

The Owl

2005-03-08T00:53:00.000-05:00

Being the short, brown-haired, glasses-wearing guy that I am, Harry Potter became a nickname that has followed me since the movie hit the big screen. As a result, when the fraternities hosted a Halloween Carnival for the Oxford youth, I was convinced under the relentless strain of peer pressure that we all became so very fluent with in our high school days to dress up as the one and only Harry Potter for the kids. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a black cape and a fake owl and headed back to the dorm to pull everything together. In the end, my costume consisted of khaki pants, a white button-down, a prep tie, a v-neck sweater, a wand, and, of course, the fake owl from Wal-Mart (which I strapped to my shoulder). Everyone thought it looked great, and I even won $20 in a costume contest. But this isn't even the real story...

When I got back to the dorm, I really didn't know what to do with the costume. I was never going to wear it again, but I didn't want to throw it all away...especially not the owl. So, I put the cape in a drawer and taped the owl to the stereo speaker on the shelf that was hanging over our (Chris' and mine) desks. That owl probably saw more air going out of my 4th floor window than a live owl did over its entire lifetime. Chris, Mike, Joe, Michael, Nick...hell, anyone who noticed the thing was inspired to toss it out the window. This became such a frequent event that I began to notice that immediately after reaching in to turn on the light, the first thing that I did when I entered my room was to check on the owl. If it was missing...I knew that I would get my exercise for the day by walking down the stairs to retrieve it and then back up to place it on the speaker. This would all be in vain...

I wasn't totally immune to the destructive tendency, though, so I sympathized with the guys in their uncontrollable urge to damage the owl (and to piss me off, I'm sure). One day I was bored, so I decided to cut a slit in the owl's chest and create a little door-like flap, in which I suppose you could place things if you were still in your elementary school "hide and seek" phase. I gave them too much credit...

Days had gone by since the owl was disturbed and I began to think that maybe the guys had gotten sick of the same old prank, so I too began to slowly stop making it a point to check the owl. After a few weeks, Chris and I began to notice a horrible smell that would not go away, despite any cleaning and/or sanitation efforts. It could have been one or several of many things that had gone wrong in our dorm room over the course of the year. Maybe my feather mattress was rotting after Joe had the bright idea of turning my bed into an ocean (iodized salt + bottles of mineral water) to give me a "vacation." Thoughtful, Joe, but wet feathers sucked. Or maybe it was the combination of beer, champagne, and an entire jar of strawberry jelly that had turned into the cement holding our carpet together. There really was no telling what was going on until...

On a whim, a few weeks down the road, I noticed the owl again. It had been a long time, so I decided to throw it around a bit...that is, until I noticed the horrible aroma that seemed to follow its path. To my surprise (but not really), when I opened the flap that I had cut into it's chest, a green and blue mold jumped out at me like a furry monster that had been locked in a closet for millions of years just waiting to kill whoever entered. It was unmistakenly the product of milk, American cheese, and yogurt (or whatever other dairy products they decided to add to the cocktail) that had spent weeks developing in the hot, humid dorm room. They had won...they knew that I would never let them get rid of the owl...so they decided to give the task to me...

I threw that fucking thing so far out the window...I hope Toles didn't find it.

-Marc

First Weekend As A College Student

2005-03-07T14:45:00.000-05:00

I think the best way to start this blog is by starting from the beginning of our time here. After move in when all our parents had left, we headed to the grove for a free concert and socialize, we discovered that everyone was going to the bar Bodega aka the dega. We went to the dega and stayed there for maybe 10 minutes, mind you we still paid a cover. Nick was driving and Joe wanted beer. Since we did not know anyone 21 to buy us beer we decide to go to Chicken on a Stick and wait to find someone to buy us beer. Joe found this guy who agreed us to buy us a case of beer as long as we bought him some cigarettes, we agreed. The guy went in to buy us beer, I followed him to use the restroom. When I came back to the car, I was sitting in shotgun, there was someone else in my seat. His name was Tyrone, and he was wasted. I apparently had left the door ajar and Tyrone opened the door and decided to sit down. I looked at Nick, Chris, and Joe and they had no idea what was going on. I do not remember exactly what Tyrone said but I do remember him saying "man I gotta pee so bad, I just might go in your car." Nick's face lit up and we somehow got Tyrone out of the car. About this time, the guy came back with our beer and we ended up just heading back to our dorm. - Mike

Gone Swimmin'

2005-03-07T04:21:00.000-05:00

So its sophomore year, and its time to mess with Marc once again. It's what we do best. Mike and Joe and I go to Wal-Mart and buy a pink, maybe 5 feet wide kiddie swimming pool. We decide we're going to fill it up with water, and just be lounging in it when Marc gets back from class. We get out Mike's video camera to catch the reaction, and got to work. Mike and Joe went and changed into their swimsuits, and we got our trashcan and started filling it with water from the shower down the hall. We filled it up pretty full, maybe 15 or 20 gallons of water total. We passed lots of football players in the hall, who just kinda stared at us, and we invited them to join us. They declined. So the pool gets filled up, and Mike and Joe get in, Marc is supposed to be out of class in 20 minutes. So we wait. And wait. And wait. 45 minutes goes by. Joe comments on how cold the water is getting. I finally decided to call Marc and see where the hell he was. He tells me he's on his way back, so we turn on the camera. Marc is on the phone when he walks in, sees Mike and Joe in the pool, his mouth kinda falls open, and just turns and leaves. Not the reaction we were hoping for, but still funny. So Mike and Joe get out, dry off, and now there's a pool with water in it just sitting in our room. Obviously we're not that great at thinking ahead. Anyway, the pool is too wide to get through the door, so we tell Marc that he has to bail the water out, or its just going to stay there. We sit there and proceed to watch Marc bail all of the water back into the trashcan. Again, we just sat there, while we watched Marc bail all of the water back into the trashcan. So now we have a trashcan full of water. Again with the complete lack of forethought. We sit around and debate what to do with this water, and the best idea is to make a waterfall by pouring it down the emergency exit. (Hey, it hadn't been swept in awhile, we were only doin our part.) We also thought it would be a good idea if we poured it down the emergency exit on the other side of the hall, so they wouldn't know who did it. Right. So we pour a 20 gallon trashcan full of water down the stairs, and it looks cool. It looks very cool. Then, once again, we think "Oh hell, what if we get caught?" Well, we didn't which was lucky, because it definitly flooded the entire emergency stairwell, and leaked into the basement. Hotty Toddy. -Chris